★Sweet, Sour & Bitter - My Life ™

Thousands of Rainbows

2012-01-15T01:04:00.000+08:00

Damn has it been long since I'm last here.

One has to wonder why I kept on writing even though I'm not making any revenues from this.

Some who knew my history will wonder why I kept on writing even after undergoing a case due to the words written here.

Many won't even wonder, for they do not know of my words.

Recently I hear this words, "FRIENDZONED" a lot.

Obviously I don't care of this word as I'm not single.

Even if I'm single I won't care much.

Being friends are better than being nothing.

Friends are an asset, a gift given by fate.

Out of all people in the world, there are some who you just met and can become friends straight away.

If that's not special, I wonder what is.

I think I swayed a bit from what I said.

-=-=-=-

Why do I continue moving.

A better question would be, Why do YOU, yes YOU, continue living.

Is your life so worth living?

Are you still alive cause you're not dead yet?

Some are still alive cause of others. Someone, most probably their parents, will be sad if they die. So they kept on living.

A few has a reason to live.

An actual reason.

Not a person tying their life string.

But something that still cannot be seen.

But they want it to be seen before they die.

So they are still alive.

It seems to be the trend,

That many successful people in this world,

Dies right after they have created their best invention.

Which then prevents them from inventing what they say they are going to invent.

-=-=-=-

The pen is meant to write the story so far,

and to be passed on to another,

For every living person in this world is born for a reason

to bring a change into the world,

but not to change the world completely,

as the world is not ready for them.

However, the world has not changed much since the past 50 years.

The two fateful wheels are still turning at a different pace.

The Wheel of the Poor is getting larger, accommodating the increasing 99%.

While the Rich is getting smaller but stronger, accommodating the 1%.

It hasn't changed.

This is because

Although each person in this world is given a chance to bring a change,

Many flopped and fail.

Many more are too scared to take the first step.

Only a handful fits the perfect mould,

as they can change themselves to fit the mould,

while the others refused to change.

Hence, the mould is not for them.

-=-=-=-

What is this mould?

That was what I've been looking for since last year.

I've been to many many events.

Events relating to entrepreneurship and business.

I've been wanting to prove something.

Finally, I believe I've found it.

Each events I went, whether it's in Malaysia or Singapore,

They say the same things.

They tell of the same stories.

They tell of the same qualities.

They tell of the same exact things which made who they are today.

Sometimes I feel disappointed, for I have heard those words before.

There is a mould for everything.

However,

However,

Those are the moulds I was looking to prove.

But it's not the mould I want to fit.

The mould I want to fit

Those people are too far from me.

What I'm listening about are small to medium businesses.

They may be global.

But for me, still medium.

I don't feel satisfied.

There's not a person I meet who make me feel

"I wanna be him/her"

Perhaps I'm my own mould.

The things I want to do is not engineering

is not creating mobile apps,

is not earning big money,

is not creating a revolutionary product.

What I want to do is to revolutionise what's in front of us everyday,

to earn enough money,

to start my final destination in life.

Once I manage to fund that foundation,

I can die happy.

-=-=-=-

My dream since childhood,

is to feed the world.

and that is what I'm gonna do.

For the world is filled with hunger

not only for food

but for opportunity.

"People are not rich because they have money.

They are rich because an opportunity came to them and they took it.

Some deserving ones didn't manage to reach the opportunity."

This is one quote from a lady in China,

who went back to her hometown to teach all the young ladies there

how to survive in this modern, everchanging world

so that they won't be left behind in time.

Time is the Judge, the Murderer and the Executioner.

Time is always right, even though if it is guilty for taking away our loved ones.

We can only live with it.

Dengarlah matahariku

Suara tangisanku

Berjuta warna pelangi

Di dalam hati

Kuharus serahkan mu

Walau aku tak mahu

.::.PS Chua.::.

A Story That Will Never End

2011-12-10T17:55:00.001+08:00

Why would I call that thing up there the "Mood Equaliser"?

It's because our feelings, our emotions, constantly changes.

It's always affected by our surroundings.

When you're in your room alone whole day with nothing to do,

there will be this emotion which calls you to do something.

To go out, have a life, stop procrastinating, do something.

Unless of course, you like being alone in your room.

Your emotions are affected by the fact that you're in the room alone.

It's the same when you're outside with your friends.

Your emotions will be affected by your friends.

However, a good song, will make your mood to what the composer wants your mood to be throughout the whole song.

It's not just about jumping on the same spot with your hands up.

A real song can make you smile and cry whenever the composer wants you to.

And I realise that this song, Fiction by BEAST, can do so.

I tried reading back my post, My Reason to Smile, with the song played, and it fits in perfectly.

It enhances my words and equalises my emotions while I was typing in my room alone.

That's how good that song is.

And that's how I feel right when I wrote those words,

which is why the song fits in perfectly.

It's essential for you readers to listen to the song played here while reading.

Because I wrote them while I was listening to it.

My real feelings will be truly projected when those two combines.

-=-=-=-

The time now is 6:01PM, 10/12/2011 (GMT+8).

How long will I continue breathing?

Have you ever thought that there is a countdown to our deaths?

What if you were to know the countdown?

What will you do?

-=-=-=-

What is A Story That Will Never End?

Do every story truly has an ending?

If your life is a story, when will the story end?

When you die?

Is the story a one-dimensional story, like Twilight?

Or a story which encompasses many aspects of life and many emotions we have in real life,

like Lord of the Rings and Inception.

What will people feel when they read your story?

Don't tell me the excuse that, "If I were to ever write my story out, the readers won't feel much, as I'm not a good writer."

A good story doesn't require accurate words or wonderful music.

A good story, requires a good story.

-=-=-=-

What will happen to my story after I die?

Will it ever continue?

Answer yourself.

Now here's my answer.

I won't let it end after I die.

Many would have noticed that PS Chua has a lot of dreams.

I'm a dreamer and a chaser.

If I don't dream, I die.

If I don't chase, I wilt.

One of my dreams was to create a way, a bridge for those deserving but underprivileged individuals to chase their dreams,

And to change this world forever.

We always see this one in a million story of a person which came from a poor family to rise up above the rest and changed this world.

Rich people can reach success easily.

But they won't change the world,

because they don't have a reason to change it.

The world, as it is, is why they could reach success easily.

The world now favours them.

It is a world where the Poor feeds the Rich.

However, a poor person always have a great desire to change the world.

But they don't have the chance to.

I want to change that.

I want one day, when you switch your channel to the news, and you see all those people speaking in the news, telling you how they have changed the world,

were from the Poor Cycle.

I want these two cycles to Disappear.

I want a bridge which connects these two cycles.

Then, like two wheels connected by a shaft,

these two cycles will drive a change into this world.

The world today is missing that shaft, that bridge.

Hence, these two wheels couldn't complete one another.

I want this to happen.

This must happen.

This is what the world needs.

And I'm gonna provide that.

I will.

-=-=-=-

So, does my story end there....?

Will I die peacefully when I see the two cycles complement one another?

Yes, I will die peacefully then, with the acknowledgement that all I've ever dreamt in my mind is now in front of your eyes.

But the story will not end there.

The story will not be mine anymore.

I will have more dreams.

Those dreams will be carried by someone else.

Just like the story of the telephone.

A story once belonged to Alexander Graham Bell.

Is now a story everyone is in.

A story carried a while by Steve Jobs who created a revolutionary communication device, the iPhone.

And a story which will evolve soon.

A Story of Borderless Communication
- Alexander Graham Bell -

My story now, is my story.

I don't know what will happen after my dreams are accomplished.

Will the world be better?

Or will something bad happen instead?

I don't know.

But I believe something good will come out of it.

-=-=-=-

To clarify things,

I'm not fighting for Fairness in the world.

The world is not fair, nothing can change that.

I'm not creating a fair playing field.

This is a fact no one can change.

What I'm fighting for is for those who thinks the world is unfair, to live with it,

and use it to his/her advantage.

And bring everyone else they want with him/her to success.

What I'm gonna do is provide the opportunity to do so.

I'm not gonna spoonfeed the world.

Spoonfeeding, for me, is why the Poor is still Poor.

Charity is killing this world.

What charity should be, is to bring all those they are caring for, out from the Poor Cycle.

Not by carrying them out, but by providing them the bridge to walk out, and giving them the skills and resources to do so.

Not by giving food to the Poor, but to teach the Poor how to cook with limited resources they have around them,

and slowly and steadily, turn that into a business.

First by selling it to the Poor.

And the by selling it to the rich.

Which is how the two cycles will complement one another.

Without realising, the rich, who just want a good food, will fuel this dreamer's fight to success.

This is just an idea.

I will turn it into something you will one day see in your eyes.

Just like this pair of wheels which complements one another.
One day I will bridge the two wheels,
and bring this family out of where they are now.

-=-=-=-

Now, it's 6:29PM, 10/12/2011 (GMT+8).

In three and a half more hours, I will be leaving Singapore.

In how many more hours will I still be breathing?

In how many more hours, will my dream be in front of your eyes?

Say Goodbye to Singapore

Say Goodbye to all this stress

Say Goodbye to all my good friends here

And say Hi to my hometown,

The greatest place on Earth.

A place which has a special place in my heart.

A place I grew up and saw the world.

A place which I see familiar faces everywhere.

A place which speaks my tongue.

A place I feel at home.

A place I call home.

Penang, I'm coming back.

Welcome me.

The Change is here.

The Champ

Here.

.::.PS Chua.::.

My Reason to Smile

2011-12-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

Should tears be allowed to run and dry?

Or are they to be kept secret,

So no eyes will see,

No hearts will reach

And no hearts will know.

Should real feelings ever be shown,

Ever be voiced and heard,

And ever be shared?
Are feelings ever real?

Does smiling means happiness?

Or a way to hide the inner emotions

Which is our weakness,

Which won't be empathised

Which won't be understood?

The mask I wore

Is falling off.

Tears are accumulating in my eyes.

The sadness in me is calling me to cry.

But nobody notices

As my smile is still on.

As my reason to smile is still there

Living with me.

Although we are far apart

The reason is still in my heart.

Living, Breathing, Caring for me.

The only soul which can really break through my mask

Is still there with me.

My reason to smile.

My reason to live.

My reason to dream.

My everything.

In a life which I constantly hope will end soon, I continued dreaming for a better life.

Since young, I've prayed and hoped, that I, PS Chua, will be the person who carries my family to a better place.

The reason I study is not for knowledge.

But to upgrade my abilities and potential.

So that I CAN do what I always wanted to do.

To bring my family out of the Poor Cycle.

Nobody can understand why I'm so possessed with this idea that I can do it.

Sometimes this journey do look like a lonely one.

That I will walk this road alone.

That I will reach success alone.

That I will enjoy my success alone.

I can tolerate the loneliness now.

But I hope, my reason to smile will be with me when I reached success.

-=-=-=-

The idea which possessed me has told me to chase for a better life over the sea.

It wasn't the best idea to come here.

As my soul and my body is now far apart.

I became a different person at times.

I wore my mask more often as there weren't that many people who can understand me here.

When I wear it, people take me for granted.

That I'm that typical smiling PS Chua, someone who can tolerate shit at any moment.

But when I take it off, people think of me as an emotional idiot who see everything negatively.

In a life filled with negativity, I see no way for me not to be emotional.

My life should be filled with tears

of Loneliness

of Pain

of Helplessness

of Betrayal

of Discrimination

and many more.

But I chose to cover all those with a smile.

A smile many thinks will last forever.

Which has made my words a joke, even when I'm saying something very serious.

I told a friend something that may happen in the near future to me, and she laughed.

She thought I was joking.

But I was not.

My mask wasn't on when I said that.

But nobody will ever noticed, as they do not care.

-=-=-=-

I don't expect everyone to notice.

It is my fault.

I brought this upon me.

The mask is like a drug.

The more I wear it, the more I fell in love with it.

It brought me many things, like friends.

Although they may not be real friends, they are still friends.

But when I reach this stage, like now, the drug is eating me inside.

I'm starting to feel guilty to appear fake in front of everyone.

I'm starting to regret that I've made many unreal friends who don't really care.

However, I can't stop taking this drug. I'm attached to this mask.

It is my only way to my dreams.

To cover all my sadness somewhere in a hidden chest.

My feelings must not affect others.

My feelings must not affect me.

My feelings must not prevent me from achieving my dreams.

-=-=-=-

This post will sound crazy to some.

My posts always sound crazy to some.

Cause I'm not the normal person.

I'm different.

I'm not normal like many other people.

When people chose to show their emotions so that other people can sympathise and love them.

I hid them far inside me.

So others won't be affected by my feelings.

I want others to continue smiling.

So I smiled.

My dream is to make this world a happy place.

In my efforts to do so

I've made a situation where

No eyes will ever see my tears,

No ears will ever hear my cry,

No hearts will ever reach my feelings

and No hearts will ever know my feelings.

Some hearts have tried to penetrate into mine.

Those are the people I appreciate and will love throughout my life.

It is difficult to find such people.

However it is sad.

Because although I love them,

my addiction to putting my mask on has prevented me to reveal my real feelings to them as well.

I've noticed this a lot of times.

When a friend asked me what happened or give me encouragement,

All I could say is "Nothing" or "Thanks".

I notice this, but I couldn't change it for some reason.

I've been trained not to reveal my feelings.

That's why I don't blame others for not understanding me,

It is my fault.

But I will hold onto the reason I did this.

That is to prevent my feelings from becoming the barrier to my success.

The only feeling I need now is happiness.

And I fear the reason for me to smile might be gone anytime soon.

It is a ticking time bomb which will surely explode one day.

The only thing I can do is to continue running so far away from it,

That it's blast won't affect me that much.

-=-=-=-

I know you might not understand me as I'm talking cryptically.

Those who care and understand my situation would have understood all I've said.

Those who care will inquire me for the full story later and provide encouragement which might be unnecessary.

Those who don't care will assume that I'm crazy.

It's still my nature of not revealing all of myself

which has driven me to improve my English

so I can write in such a way.

I just like turning whatever I have into my strengths.

Nothing can change my nature.

I will rewrite this story again.

My story will not end.

I will bury the fact that reality

is seeping into my skin for now.

I will redraw it once again.

The start, the beginning where everything were smiles.

In case the smiles leave me,

The background is a small room

without an exit.

.::.PS Chua.::.

And So It Begins

2011-12-03T23:30:00.000+08:00

Since it's a tradition for me to write after my exams, I shall repeat that again, and again and again.

Best update yet! New layout!

The previous layout is officially the longest layout I've used.

Perhaps cause it's the one I used most effort to customise - the signature Carousel, spinning thing around cursor, and everything in between.

However, I've decided to ditch all that and move on.

It was cool back then, but now, minimalist design rules.

It is a norm in life to move on, and so must you. Just adapt to this new layout.

Now, the home page is shorter, which means easier browsing.

Although it lacks those fancy widgets, well, I've gotta admit that those are pretty useless widgets.

Anyway, it's awesome. Admit it.

-=-=-=-

The song in this blog is Haru Haru (Day by Day) by Big Bang.

Honestly, it is the FIRST Korean song which I like.

Perhaps it's the beat. It fits my taste. And it's a sad song, which I can feel the meaning even before watching the MV.

Great music can convey its message without WORDS, without IMAGES, just PURE MUSIC.

This is what I define as "REAL MUSIC, not your Justin Bieber music" - Alberto Del Rio.

-=-=-=-

My Word

My Voice

My Life

This is the new theme of this blog.

I have a plan to switch my blog elsewhere, to a new URL, as this URL bears no much meaning anymore.

However, it's not easy to start a new blog from zero.

So, here it is.

-=-=-=-

Exam is a time-killer.

I've said this a lot of times, but it is a time killer.

What's the logic of squeezing all we have learnt into two weeks?

Why not continuous assessment?

Learning is a continuous process, not a MUG-FOR-TWO-WEEKS process!

THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE!

A stupid person will object this with "It kills our brain cells!"

But no.

What I mean is, it takes our time away from something more beneficial.

Our brain is capable of doing so much thing while under stress, when our brain is the most active.

However, this stress during exam also takes away our time.

The greatest idea usually come at a time when our brain is the most active.

Not when we are sleepy, dying, or relaxing.

It is when we pressure our brain to come out with something, that it will bring out something which may not be the thing we want, but might be the thing we need.

However, at that period, we just don't have time to execute the idea.

Hence, something important is lost.

Also, this is not real life.

In real life, stress don't come once in every four months.

Stress comes anytime.

This is real life.

Like it or not, it is.

-=-=-=-

You are poor.

That is the fact.

Whether you like it or not.

Because if you're rich, you won't be so free reading this.

Yes, you might be 10 times richer than me.

But did I see your face in front of a magazine?

Have you done anything so impactful, it change the course of human history, forever.

No.

Cause if you had, you won't have had so much time to read this shit written by a 21-year-old student.

The fact I wanna point out is that

People get satisfied too easily.

Comfort Zone came too early.

We want comfort.

However, even before we reached the highest level of comfort, we create one of our own.

To make us feel good.

To make us relax.

To make people jealous.

-=-=-=-

I don't blame those people who did this for being like this.

Don't blame them, "Blame society" - Carl Johnson

Society judges your success by the money YOU CAN SPEND or SPENT.

Not by the money you currently hold.

Hence, the debt crisis.

People want to make themselves look good.

So they borrowed more money to SPEND MORE.

SPENDING makes them feel good.

SPENDING makes them feel at comfort.

SPENDING makes others jealous.

In the end, all is lost.

There are many things in life which if lost, is lost forever.

Money,

Money is not everything.

But when it's gone,

Everything is gone.

Your life,

Your family,

Your house,

Your car,

Your soul.

All will be lost.

Anyway, who are the ones who said money is not everything?

-=-=-=-

Hence, I don't understand many people in this world

whose aim to be rich is to spend more on useless stuffs.

Rich

What is the meaning of being Rich?

I guess it differs from everyone.

For me?

Being Rich is a way for me to guide those deserving souls hidden out there somewhere to be the same level as me or higher.

I am a person of Opportunity.

I love Opportunity.

Because?

Because I did not have that many opportunities in life.

My life is limited by the fact that I was poor.

As my good friend once said, "Rich people will always get richer, because they have the Opportunity"

We both didn't have that much opportunity in our lives.

Hence, once we found one, we held on to it so tightly

It will never leave us

Until we pass it on to somebody else more deserving than us.

This world has no word such as FAIR.

The world is not Fair nor is Life.

I know this fact.

I'm not aiming to change it.

But those who realise this fact should do somethings so that one day they can say "Life is Fair".

Who will say those three words?

Successful ones.

-=-=-=-

My aim in life was always to be successful.

But how much?

My name, in the history book.

That is my aim,

since the Shooting Star incident.

My dream,

was to change human history.

To carve my name onto the history book.

As someone who was given nothing,

but fought for something he believed in since young,

and managed to bring everything the world needs

to the world.

It doesn't mean I will be the richest person in the world.

Or even be rich.

But I will make the world rich.

Not only in terms of money.

But everything else.

-=-=-=-

This is the dream.

The plan is in my head.

Some of you might know my plan already.

Some of you who don't

maybe it's because you don't deserve to know,

or it's not the time yet.

Hopefully soon, more will join me in my plan to change this world.

One Stepping Stone at a Time.

-=-=-=-

Don't let others change your mind.

Don't let others define your decisions.

Don't let others create the conditions for you.

Make your own.

Many people like to say, "I will do this, only if s/he do it with me"

That "s/he" is controlling this idiot's life.

If that "s/he" says no, there it goes.

That idiot's life will be what "s/he" wants.

People like to let OTHERS CONTROL them, subconsciously.

Let me be more specific, STUPID people, like to let others control them.

Like who is Carl Johnson and Alberto Del Rio, who I've quoted earlier?

Some of you might know them already.

Some of you who don't, might probably think they are someone really successful in life.

Someone so knowledgeable,

to be able to have their words quoted so easily.

Only successful people get quoted, or is it?

Alberto Del Rio is a WWE wrestler.

Carl Johnson is the main character of the game, GTA San Andreas.

By simply putting "Quotes", people can get fooled that those I quote from are famous, successful figures.

Just like how those fake Albert Einstein God quotes come from, when Albert Einstein didn't even believe in God.

See how easy people can control how you think.

Still wanna think how others want you to think?

I have a dream

To change everything

you ever knew and ever had

And what's the best time to start

Then now?

What are you doing

while I am chasing my dream to change

what you are having?

Perhaps soon

The survival of the fittest

Rules you out

from my World.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Gone Missing

2011-11-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

This is a quote I saw when I went into the Co-op today.

It's a very weird place to notice such a deep, thoughtful quote.

But in fact, we can learn life lessons in every moment and every things that happen around us.

-=-=-=-

If you are here reading, hoping to find something inspirational, some life lessons, Sorry but you won't find it here today. These are merely rants of mine directed to a few people.

-=-=-=-

Actually today has been a very bittersweet day.

I have some happy, relieving stuffs that happen all around me.

But I do have one moment which sort of ruined everything.

Actually I've found what to write.

Recently, in WWE, there's this superstar known as CM Punk, who is the new-age Stone Cold Steve Austin, who likes to use this phrase "laying the pipebomb".

It practically means to lay the truth and the whole truth to something that you hate.

And what I hate is the people here.

-=-=-=-

Don't get too over-sensitive. I don't mean all the people here. I just mean some individuals.

People here in NUS are very self-centred.

That is what I've noticed.

Friends are considered much like a luxury instead of a necessity.

They would much prefer to focus on their own studies than to preserve their friendships.

This is not the first time I've noticed this. I've noticed this since my first semester.

During exam season, people just DISAPPEAR.

If you ask for lunch together, the answer is surely a NO.

Even a lunch which we can have less than 100m away.

It's very disheartening. They seem to take friends much like trash, a parasite, during exam seasons.

Previously, I had a friend, who is very distressed during the exam seasons.

And nobody cared! Nobody did a thing.

It's sad to admit but I was the only one offering to take my study time to accompany that friend.

And the worse thing is that friend didn't treat me the same way I treated him/her at a time when I'm in need! (you think I will even reveal his/her gender?)

At one time, I went to consult a counsellor who I personally know, telling him all these friends and all my problems.

He agreed that the people here are like that, and asked me to approach them and tell them my feelings.

I'm not good with my feelings. I don't like to reveal them. Cause most of the feelings is anger and dissatisfaction.

I haven't made my resolve on this situation.

But I promised to myself that I will stay true to myself, maintaining ME as ME and treat others just like how I usually treat them.

Although it is painful, it is hell fucking goddamn painful inside to know that the pigeon I released today could shit on my head in the future.

But it is what I must do. I'll treat people as how I hope they will treat me.

I believe as long as hope is there, I can change this reality.

-=-=-=-

I know that there are people here who feels the same as I do.

I know who those individuals are.

But the problem is they themselves are doing the same to others.

Things will not change when they refuse to change.

-=-=-=-

Through my life in NUS, I can pretty much classify people here into a few categories.

There are those who cares for their friend, but do not know how to express their care, cause they fear that the relationship may go overboard (aka create scandal).

There are those who loves to push other people down to make themselves look good.

There are those who care for others, but more for themselves.

There are those who likes to get close to everyone they know, to get something they want.

Actually, all of them wear a very thick mask.

The person they are in public is not their real self.

Behind the mask, there exist a different person who might be better or worse.

I don't know how I know this. I'm just more observant than others.

While I talk to people and they respond, for some reason I can sense truth and lies within their words.

-=-=-=-

Actually what is the bad occasion which ruined my mood today?

I'm not gonna share here, cause bad things are not meant to be shared.

Sometimes I do personally tell the person who caused this.

But through experience, I realise the egos of the people here are very high, as in they don't take accusations.

What I say are merely opinions and not accusations.

I don't expect that person to change, but merely take my opinion into consideration and analyse why did I say that.

I realise people here are very immature and didn't know about such simple life facts and teachings.

-=-=-=-

Also speaking about ego, I do realise this occasionally that people here assume that they are right all the time.

Whenever I present my claim about a situation, and claiming that what they did is wrong.

And BOOOOM!!

They go CRAAZZZYYY!!

Like the JOKER!!

One word - WEAK.

They are weak.

I can simply peel off their mask by saying that they are wrong.

This happens because of their massive ego.

To protect their ego, they are willing to reveal their bad side.

Yes, sometimes I go crazy too. Mostly after a long period of torture by that person.

This is what I learnt from my counsellor friend, to just throw out my feelings.

Gone forever,
and hard to retrieve,
just like a leaf
in a strong wind.

-=-=-=-

Well, enough rant.

The reason I didn't have much to write recently is because I feel like I've told everything.

Previously I realise people don't know much about me so I write stuffs here hoping that people will know.

Sad right?

Some who care enough to read knew more about me.

Some who don't just don't know about me.

Who am I?

It doesn't matter who am I now.

It matters who I will become in the future.

My dream is to give freedom to every human on this planet.

Freedom to choose their future.

Freedom to voice out their opinions.

Freedom to have the life they always wanted.

I want the underprivileged to rise out of present situation and outshine those who have been handed everything.

I want to become their voice - the voice of the voiceless

Yes, you reading this might think I am crazy.

Yes I am crazy. Then that makes you normal.

Normal people, living a normal life.

What is a normal life?

I believe I've mentioned before.

But one day I will write what I think a normal life is.

I've seen many normal life.

And I don't like it.

I hate it.

I want people around me to live awesome lives, I want everyone in the world to live great lives.

Not normal, lame-ass lives.

-=-=-=-

One day, I will change the layout of this blog.

Recently I've begun ranting again.

Previously I do rant here, but got in trouble amidst the rants.

I mustn't let that stop me.

I am my usual self, an outspoken person, ready to shoot down on those things I hate.

I won't use those corny words like GENESIS, REBIRTH.

I didn't die, how can I be reborned?

I will change this world.

But first I know I must change myself.

I believe some of you will agree that I've changed?

I'm starting to hate writing.

I prefer talking more.

But I won't do a video blog, currently.

I talk more if I have a friend in front of me face-to-face.

So if you want to talk more, just get face-to-face with me.

There’s nothing that can be done

I just have to act it didn’t happen

I ran away

So that my eyes won’t be able to see you
So that my heart won’t reach you

So that my heart won’t know

.::.PS Chua.::.

The Days Left Behind

2011-10-28T02:30:00.006+08:00

It's been long, very long since I last posted.

Mainly it's cause the previous post, "If Airplanes Were Shooting Stars", pretty much wraps up my whole life.

My life wasn't easy. I'm lucky to not experience much physical pain before.

But the most painful of things are emotional.

Emotional pains are those that leave a scar so deep within us that nothing can heal it.

We can either live with it, bearing the pain

or just move on, knowing there's nothing we can do to it.

-=-=-=-

I was surprised everytime I tell people my story, many of them cried.

I was surprised cause I thought it was normal to experience such pains in life.

Many people love to watch drama,

but have you ever thought whether what if those scenarios exist?

What will the person being emotionally tortured feel?

I hate dramas. It's too real.

From that hate, stemmed my love for WWE, a much better show.

It is a scripted show, but very very real.

I can't discuss about that here, because most people will only know that wrestling is fake, but never really indulge into it as far as I did, to realise that it is real.

Anyway, memories are often left forgotten

but there are some who will always be by us, left behind by time.

-=-=-=-

There are a few memories that I couldn't forget.

I will just talk about those I had since coming to Singapore.

Those moments are those which defines who I am today.

Perhaps I've told you personally if I'm your friend, that there're certain things which I hate, and certain things which I love.

But why?

This post will tell a long tale of my fall into somewhere I don't wish to return to.

-=-=-=-

I hate going out alone.

Which, for those who knew me longer, will know that I used to love going out alone.

But it has changed.

When I came to Singapore, I still like to go out alone.

Alone.

Since I live in hall, I've been thrown to the dustbin by my fellow Malaysian friends.

Even when I'm sick, nobody really cared.

If they really cared, they wouldn't mind.

But the problem is they never cared.

Due to that, I started living a lonely life.

There's a day, I went out alone to Queenstown, which is quite a distance from NUS.

I went to settle some bank stuffs.

The staff asked me to wait for 2 hours.

I went to IKEA, wandered around.

I hate there, because on my 2nd day here, I went there.

And I don't know why, I just hate.

Perhaps I went with a group of people who today has forgotten about me already?

After waiting for 2 hours, they asked me to wait another 2 hours.

I went around, in a place where there's nothing, with an empty wallet.

I was a dead, lonely soul.

Then I started hating this.

I hate being left alone.

I started hating a place, which I still hate today cause there are too many fuckers and assholes there who have decided to leave people like me aside and now complaining that WE, those who chose to be different, DEFECTED from them.

I won't mention that fucking place, those who are close to me in NUS should have known what I'm talking about.

I decided to do one thing.

To put on a mask.

To not be myself.

To get into the crowd.

To be someone I don't know, and will never know.

This is the beginning of my fall.

-=-=-=-

I started making friends around.

I made friends with one person who used to be in the same Orientation Group as me.

Just to realise after a few weeks that he is a cannibal friend.

He is an extreme Kia See Kia Su.

He ruined my life with his lies.

But treated other people, especially girls, very well.

He only treat those who are a threat to his grades badly.

While treat those he "like" and won't threaten his grades.

Then I jumped to another group of friends.

Where I put on a thicker mask.

-=-=-=-

This group, is a very carefree group.

They also put on a very thick mask.

Many would know I'm a pretty good judge of characters.

I know who's real and who's fake, and I know you're still reading cause you want to know whether I will mention about you.

If you really feel like that, continue reading, cause trust me, I will mention about you.

This group, I like this group better.

But there's still hate in it.

Cause I was being someone who I don't know.

"Who is this person I'm being while I'm with them?" I asked myself.

This group is so carefree, they are alcohol drinkers.

I was a straight-edge person.

Meaning "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs which makes me better than you" - CM PUNK

I hate this idea of putting chemicals into your body to make you feel good for a temporary moment.

I hate this idea of drinking, just to have a temporary happiness, FAKE happiness.

I don't like to hide my sadness. When I'm sad, you would have noticed if you're observant.

If you don't, it means I should have won the Oscars, since I'm that damn good an actor.

In this group, I started drinking.

Drinking became a great way for me to destress.

And hence my fall.

-=-=-=-

I became quite a drinker.

Back in my hall, there are also quite a few drinkers.

And they also asked me to drink.

"Drink" became fun for me.

I hate it, but I still love it.

The mask I was wearing, was consuming me, turning me into the mask itself.

I was turning into a person I hate.

I began to turn against my principles.

People started telling me I should learn to drink and smoke, to SOCIALISE.

I was being dragged into this LIE.

I was being dragged into this ABYSS, where I might not escape once I fell into it.

My principles were destroyed.

-=-=-=-

This semester, at the beginning, I still drink.

At one event, they gave free beers.

I took, as usual.

I saw one of my cute little innocent juniors, didn't drink.

I then asked, "You don't drink?"

She said, "No..."

I was like her last time.

Actually looking back, the life she has now is pretty much like mine.

Perhaps we came from the same place, from the same gang.

Anyway, I drank, and I became happy.

They say I was drunk, but I'm just being my crazy self which I can bring out anytime.

I was happy.

Then I went back.

I went back, and I fell and I slept.

-=-=-=-

The next day they called me to go somewhere.

I couldn't cause I got things to do.

I told them I was tired.

They say I was drunk and what term is that? The pain the morning after?

Nevermind, whatever that is, they accuse me of that.

But it's okay. Assholes do live in this world.

That day went by as usual.

-=-=-=-

One day, I don't know why, I just began pondering back.

Who am I?

Because I just came back from Penang, where I've been clean and been going to religious activities.

I thought, why am I so much different here?

That day, I decided to vow to myself.

No one but myself, that I will remain true to myself.

I will become my true person.

The person who I've always been without the influence of others.

The person who have dreamt before to become the Best In The World.

The person who have vowed before that he won't drink, he won't smoke and he won't do drugs.

I was shocked one day when one of my stupid friends asked me to smoke.

And another time when another stupid friend said he wanna smoke WEED.

They are crazy.

I hate those who drink, those who smoke, and those who do drugs.

Yes, I'm being a villain.

Just cause I'm going the right way while everyone's going the wrong way, doesn't make me a villain.

I was straight-edge, and now I vow to myself to again be the same person.

Who is the same person?

The person who won't mention name in his blogs, but are actually writing about real people.

The person who likes to shoot people in the face, even though they are close to him, and because he cared.

This was me.

I like to shoot people.

Mostly because I cared to much.

The Days Left Behind has made me who I am today, who is the same person I used to be.

I don't believe by being straight-edge I won't be able to socialise.

I choose to be different and to be true to myself.

Which makes me better than you.

If Airplanes Were Shooting Stars

2011-09-27T01:42:00.001+08:00

How does a shooting star look like?

How does riding an aeroplane feels like?

How does being sick away from home feels like?

How does having an empty wallet feels life?

How does Subway taste like?

What the hell is Long John Silver's or Fish & Co.?

What is Disneyland?

What is Sentosa?

What is a mustard?

I have yet to answer the first question.

How does one define a "complete" life?

Can life ever be "complete"?

If I were to die now, right after I finished typing this sentence, can I claim that I've lived a "complete" life?

Well, I didn't die, luckily.

Will people remember me?

Should I be remembered as a good guy or a villain?

Well, so many questions, so little answers.

-=-=-=-

What is a mustard?

Before stepping foot into Singapore, I don't know what is mustard.

I always thought it's the dressing for the rich, while the poor eat kaya, mayonnaise and butter. Hell I don't even know what's tartar sauce.

I remembered the first time seeing mustard was at Queenstown IKEA store.

My senior, Alex, recommended me this hotdog stall and they have the mustard dressing. So I asked, "What's mustard?"

He answered, "It's a..... sourish.... dressing.... taste it and you will know..."

I was happy. Not cause I've tasted mustard for the first time,

but because he didn't laugh at me.

I remembered everyone who was there with me when I tasted my first mustard.

I was living under a shell before I came here.

I surrounded myself with people who are around the same financial condition as me.

Just to make myself feel better.

But when I came here, I realised that I am one of the poorest, maybe the Top-10 poorest Malaysian NUS students.

Some people just open their mouth and ask money from parents, and money comes.

I never asked money from my parents.

I remembered one day, one conversation I had.

Friend: "Hey are you going back this recess week?"

Me: "No..."

Friend: "Why not? Go back and meet your parents and friends la!"

Me: "I don't want. I don't have much money back home already. Go back have to waste money somemore..."

Friend: "ASK MONEY FROM YOUR PARENTS LA!!"

At that moment, I felt like punching that person.

It's against my principle to ask money from my parents.

They have given me so much, with so little resources, how could I ask for more?

I couldn't believe such an asshole live in this world.

"ARE YOUR PARENTS YOUR FUCKING BANK???? ARE THEY LOANSHARKSS???"

That was in my mind that moment.

What can you expect from a kid that never tasted mustard and Subway before?

-=-=-=-

I've met so many types of people here.

From those who treat their parents as banks

and those who secludes you because you speak a different language

a.k.a. you're a Banana.

Banana seems to be like H1N1, SARS, AIDS or Dengue fever here.

It's so hard to talk to people, when they simply refuse to speak your language.

It's like you know how to run, so you abandoned a handicapped person behind, expecting him to chase after you but the fact is, he will forever be left behind.

However, I was lucky to have met a few who are willing to adapt to my language.

Even though they are bad at my language, they are willing to adapt.

It makes me easier to adapt to their language too.

Just the same scenario, but this time you guide the handicap person and slowly walk together, believing that one day, he will learn how to walk and run again.

Nowadays people don't believe in miracles.

Some people are too stupid to learn simple things in life.

-=-=-=-

If airplanes were shooting stars.

I remember back when I was young. This incident happened.

I saw a light in the night sky.

A bright glowing light.

The night before I watched a show about shooting stars.

So I saw the light moving, in a path roughly similar to a shooting star!

As a kid, I was so happy!

I told my mum, "Shooting star! Shooting star!"

Then I began praying. Praying and praying. Praying that my dream will come true.

Then my mum told me, "It's an airplane."

What's an airplane?

How does riding in a plane feels like?

When will I ever ride a plane, mum?

Those are my questions.

These are memories I will not forget.

These memories often brings tears to my eyes, cause I was so innocent last time, that I don't know around me, bad things are happening.

I always wanted to go back to those innocent times.

When I thought airplanes were shooting stars.

When everything around me is happy. Or so I thought.

When I thought, the world is mine.

"You will know one day when you grow up. What you need to do now is to study hard," my mum said.

And so I studied hard, hoping one day I will ride an airplane.

To one day see a shooting star.

To one day bring my mum to travel around the world in an airplane.

To one day make all my innocent, childhood dreams come true.

I was still a kid.

Just when I came to NUS, that I saw so many things, like Subway, and to taste it for the first time.

When I was eating a 6-inch sub, others are eating foot-long meals.

I was jealous.

And I knew, life wasn't as easy as I thought.

For the first time in my life,

my wallet was empty

and my bank balance fell to 3-digits.

-=-=-=-

The first time I fell sick in NUS, I shared it before here.

I owe it to a friend, Christopher, who saved my life, from committing suicide to prove whether I'm dreaming.

It was a bad experience.

People would say,

"Eh I thought we went IMM Mall together?"

"OOOOooo you were sick... we went without you..."

While I was sick, others were enjoying.

And I was left sick in my room with no food and medication.

Only my neighbour was there to watch over me from my open door,

to ensure I don't commit suicidal acts again.

It's difficult.

Then, I knew the value of friendship.

How easy is it for others to throw you into a pool of shark.

How friends took you for granted, that you won't commit suicide due to a fever.

How easy is it to enjoy and forget about your sick friend.

All these lessons, although phrased negatively, have proven to be very important to me.

-=-=-=-

What the hell is Long John Silver's or Fish & Co.?

What is Disneyland?

What is Sentosa?

These are the places for rich people to waste money.

This thought will never change.

Since birth to death, I will still believe such places and food are for rich people to waste money.

When there's much cheaper and better heavenly food at the streets of Penang.

And when there's a place called home.

-=-=-=-

How does a shooting star look like?

Last semester, my neighbour told me he watched shooting stars in the NUS field with his girlfriend.

And that was when I remembered my first incident of "shooting star".

However, I don't mind such shooting stars anymore.

For me, that one day before the 2011 Chinese New Year, when a good friend of mine told me of a magical opportunity, to pull myself out of the deep abyss I'm in,

that is my Shooting Star.

That is the turning point of my life.

When I began to see things more differently.

Those are not just places for the rich to waste money, but for me to waste money one day when I'm richer than those rich people I know.

To one day have true friends who would care for me, adapt to my style and to together chase our United Dream.

To learn from my experience of Empty Wallet and 3-Digit Bank Balance and never repeat them again.

To change people's lives and mindset towards life.

To build the Bridge.

To bring my mum, my family and everyone close to me to travel around the world in a private jetplane.

I'm achieving these one by one.

And I believe, one day I will be better than you, yes you who are reading this. I will be better than you, and everyone you ever knew!

I will be the BEST in the WORLD!

That is my innocent childhood dream,

That is the dream I prayed for when I saw my "shooting star",

and I will achieve it!

Just you wait!

Those words,

They never go away
They live on,

even when we're gone

Just like shooting stars,

in the night skies.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Sounds of Silence

2011-09-16T02:27:00.004+08:00

Sometimes we never thought of how much others have done to us, or how much they have sacrificed for us.

Some just don't care.

Some never noticed.

Some, realise, but didn't know what to do.

Those who have willingly helped us don't expect us to repay them, just like our parents.

Sometimes it's painful to know that when you tell your parents you wanna give them something, they will just tell you to save your money.

And being a filial son, most of the time I will listen to them and save my money instead.

It's kinda painful deep inside, to want to give something to them, to make them happy.

But I don't know whether will they be happier if I give them something, or to save my money.

Some say we will never be able to repay our parents, which I refused to believe.

I know there's a way.

Like people used to say we couldn't make it to the moon, but we can.

There must be a way for me to repay them.

And I think I found the way.

I don't know where it will take me, I don't know where I will end up in this journey.

But I believe, it will take me to somewhere I want to be.

It's difficult. I never said it was easy. Nothing is easy in this life.

Sometimes people will just badmouth, backstab you.

Sometimes your best friends will tell you to stop, tell you that life doesn't work that way.

Some friends won't support you due to their own beliefs.

It is a painful journey.

But still I continue. It doesn't matter how many pain I endure today, what matters is the happiness I will share when I reach my Dream.

I'm not doing this for me. Many say I'm being selfish and didn't think their way.

But not many think my way either.

I know I can do it.

Although being born in a not-so-rich family, I know since young I'm destined to do something big.

I saw and read so many successful stories.

But not many actually mentioned that after they reached success, they will spend their whole lives giving back to the people who gave them before and brought them to where they are today.

I will make it there.

-=-=-=-

Our parents will always love us, that's a fact.

Sometimes, they will tell us to do something cause they love us and want us safe.

They don't want us to be in pain, they just want us to be happy, without bothering about their own happiness.

I always say that a poor kid, if put in a level field with a rich kid, will reach success before the rich kid.

One reason is cause the poor kid has been surrounded with the same face, the face that he don't want to see anymore.

That face is the face of sadness, or the fake mask covering the inner face of sadness.

Rich kid never see this face before, especially the fake mask.

The poor always say,

"It doesn't matter how much money we have, as long as we're together and live happily".

Ever heard of this personally? Or did you only hear this in the movie?

That's a lie, used to make us feel better.

Money is not everything, but sometimes it's the only thing that prevents us from getting what we want, including happiness.

The person who told us that, tells us when s/he's wearing the mask.

The face of laughter, smile, but there's just this feeling of sadness emanating from the person.

I don't like that feeling.

It makes me feel guilty, to be the reason that person must commit a sin and lie.

I don't like people lying to me, even to make me feel better.

I want to face Reality, the Reality that could kill us and prevent us from doing everything we ever wanted.

It can be done. I believe it can.

-=-=-=-

Simple life.

That's what everyone want.

A Simple Life.

What is a simple life?

Is it ordinary life?

An ordinary life is where one day you will lose all your friends you ever had.

Those friends who have been together with you since primary, secondary, high school and college or university.

Although there is Facebook and Twitter today, I bet you still have some friends that you were very close to before but have lost contact.

That's ordinary. Ever noticed the life of your parents? Did they ever visit their school friends?

An ordinary life is where one day you lose your loved ones, you will regret so much for the things you have never done.

It's because in an ordinary life, most people will work for money, money to feed their family.

But that's not working for your loved ones, you are working for money.

If one day the company decided not to pay you, you won't work anymore, cause you are working for MONEY.

So what is working for your family?

To work because it's your desire, your passion but still having enough time to spend with your family.

To make time for family and not for work.

To live everyday like your final day.

To breathe every breath like it's your last breath.

To love them like it is their last day.

Then you will say, "It's impossible to not work but still make our loved ones happy, cause I will not have money to make them happy!!"

That's ordinary life.

Where you have to work to bring happiness.

In the end there will be no time to give them happiness.

In the end you will have no happiness when they are gone.

-=-=-=-

For me a simple life is not ordinary life.

A simple life is the life where we will have once we reached a stage of freedom.

Where we are not bounded by anything, especially money.

Then we will have the freedom of time, freedom to choose and financial freedom.

This is simple.

Simple meaning there is no problem.

Hence simple can't be ordinary, cause there's many problems in ordinary life.

Simple life, is easy life, but it's not easy to get there.

I also want a simple life at the end of my life.

But not now, because I can't.

Because now, there's something big I neeed to do, to achieve that simple life.

-=-=-=-

We can give a thousand excuses to avoid doing something we have to do.

But we only need one desire to do something we want to do.

If you want me to describe what I want to do, what my Dream is, I couldn't finish telling you.

Cause I've seen it. The Dream, which started from something very simple to something that I couldn't even imagine before.

That's why I believe it matters how we think and where we look.

We often look at the many failures in life where people have taken big risks.

However we often fail to look at those little successes in life where people have taken bigger risks.

I turned my perspective, looked at the other side and think the way they think.

There I've seen many things I didn't see before.

Hence I believe.

Although recently I've been in an emotional distress due to many things piling up on me, that many people turned against me,

I stayed strong.

Because I cannot give up, I cannot afford to give in.

I will never let other factors and people dictate the way I live.

I will define my own life.

Nothing can stop me.

It's my life.

It's now or never.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Deep Inside

2011-09-01T01:42:00.000+08:00

The start of September.

Time passes so fast. It's already nine months into 2011.

People usually do New Year's Resolution, but how many actually fulfills it? A few.

The reason is that the period is too long. It gives us excuses to prolong our goal.

It gives us time to look into the smaller things that are happening closer to us, rather than our long term goals.

This is just a simple video I've came across and it really resembles my previous me.

Anyway, for me, I always make Daily, Weekly and Monthly Resolution instead so I can push myself.

-=-=-=-

Sometimes, life likes to kick us in the face.

Some people take it strongly.

Some people fall.

Some will rise again.

Some will not.

So what happens to them?

I don't know, because I don't need to know.

What I need to know is what happens if I fall, and stand again.

Those are the Thorns of life.

If today someone were to poke u with a needle, will you ask for more?

Of course not. Cause you have another option to not to get poked.

But what if you have no choice?

What if you were tied to a pillar, and your best friend is poking you with a needle?

Will you shout and struggle?

Will you fight your way out of the predicament?

Or will you withstand the pain, knowing each pokes will make your skin stronger, thicker, and that mentally you will feel less pain as time goes on?

Many will think the last question is stupid.

That's why many said Lim Goh Tong were stupid when he borrowed the sum of money to start his investment.

The fact is that when people see you go through so much pain, they will call you to stop.

Some will insult you to why you even started this track of pain.

That is the dividing line of success and failure.

The pokes of the needle are like the pains of failure and hurt that others inflict on you.

But the fact is, in life, there is no failure.

Failure only comes when you stop fighting for what you want.

It is rare to come across a scenario where you just faced the lowest ebb of your life, and someone comes and tell you, "Hey, sometimes life just kicks you in the face. What you need to do is to keep going."

This, is something somebody told me before.

"Sometimes, life just likes to kick you in the face.
Sometimes, the fall is even harder than the kick itself.
It is inevitable to get kicked. So what should we do?
We should kick back.
When we fall, it is important to get up again.
It's not easy, that's why we need REAL friends."

It is one of the turning points of my life, where I realise that it is inevitable to get hurt and to experience failures.

However, the difference maker is whether we kept going or we stop.

It is difficult, that's why we need support.

That's why I can't do this alone.

This path I'm going, it's not easy. I never said it was an easy path.

However, I have friends with me who will support me till the end.

That is why, now is the best moment of my life and I will treasure every moment of it.

-=-=-=-

Deep Inside us, there's something we have always wanted.

I believe it's the same to everyone.

Either it's a material thing, something a friend offered or something else.

But surely, there's something that has always bothered us in our mind.

Something that if we have it, our lives will change.

It might be a girl, or a boy,

a PS3, or a Wii,

a university offer, or a job offer,

an opportunity, or an offer,

anything.

If it's still in our mind so long, why not take the risk and go for it?

"If it is still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk."
- Paulo Coelho

Many things in my life are obtained because I've taken this risk.

It's kinda funny to me when someone complains to me how difficult is their lives.

I felt like laughing, but I gave moral support to them instead.

Because in my life, the number of people close to me that I acknowledge their lives are more difficult than me can be counted with ONE hand.

I was a black sheep.

My family only consist of 4 people.

I have nobody else, unlike others who have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, grandfather to go to.

They don't even know my name, or to spell my name.

I don't know why, there's no reason to that.

It's as if I was born to a curse, to travel this path by myself.

I was told I couldn't make it big, because I always get sick.

I had moments in my lives which death really came to my face.

Yes, some of you might be comparing my exam results, that I've never failed once in my life.

It is because of these difficult things that pushed me to study so hard.

Someone important to me always tell me that education is my way out of this deep shit.

So I took the risk, and I obtained the rewards.

I didn't carry myself like a poor person, because I don't want to be looked at as a poor person.

I want to change my family's life.

And hence I'm here.

I've taken the risk.

This is why if given the opportunity, a child from a poor family will be more successful from a rich kid.

Because of risk-taking.

The poor kid knows nothing about risk, because his life has been so difficult, he got used to it.

His life has been filled with so much pain, pain has become his breakfast.

The rich kid knows all about risk. Their parents will pamper them when they fall from a bicycle and will tell them, "If you fail in exams, you will become a failure in life!"

His life has been filled with pampering till a point where if he were to experience pain by himself, he would commit suicide.

We often look at the wrong end, at those people who took risk at Genting Highlands and failed.

But we never look at the other end, where people took risk and created Genting Highlands.

It matters where you look. Where you look is where you're heading.

-=-=-=-

It's important to treasure our past, but not live in it.

Do not take things for granted.

Life likes to kick us in the face.

Failure is a temporary setback, the window to success.

The four sentences up there are the words that have brought about the point of change in my life.

It is surprising that many of it, came from my teachers.

That is why, St. Xavier's Institution is always the best school for me.

Cause it doesn't create a top scorer out of me,

it brought about the best of me.

The teachers are so great and generous to have taught me about life, rather than teaching me how to score well.

Because life is not about scoring well,

it's about this one thing that we only have one chance at it.

Some people asked me why I hunger so much for success.

Some say I'm greedy.

Again, they looked at the wrong end.

I saw what I will become, I saw what I will do, I saw the people who I will help.

If I were to be successful, I will bring about change to many people's lives, to those who need it.

One day, someone might read my book and be inspired by me, and chase his/her dreams.

So, what if I stop now?

That person who's gonna read my book, will not be reading my book, and will not chase his/her dreams.

Those people who I'm gonna change their lives, will stay the same, or might be worse.

I saw the changes, I see the people that are waiting for me.

It has become a responsibility in my part and a necessity for them.

I must do it for them.

I may be greedy.

But I'm not selfish.

I'm taking this leap of faith across this valley

But I don't know what's at the other end

It is too far for me to see it

But I believe, there's something I want there

I believe, that's why I took a risk

and jumped

It doesn't matter if I fall

I will get up and try again

because there's something I want there

Something that can change my family's life, my life, everyone's life

That's why, I must reach the other end.

For them.

.::.PS Chua.::.

The Reason to Live

2011-08-22T01:16:00.004+08:00

Recently, I did a survey conducted by an NUS graduate student dealing in Psychology.

She is doing a thesis, and needed statistical data to support her thesis.

So since I was free, I helped her out.

That survey was very interesting.

The first part asked us about "What we wanna achieve in our everyday lives". We have to list out 10.

The second part deals with "Why we wana achieve those 10 things".

The third part involves our life satisfication, whether we are currently travelling in the right path.

So for me, the first two parts were very easy, cause through this journey I've taken, I have a clear picture, as clear as a 1080p HD picture, of what I want to achieve.

However, while I was doing the third part, I realised something.

I'm rather satisfied with how my life is going right now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still unsatisfied with my life.

However, I'm satisfied with where and how my life is going or headed to.

For me, that was very surprising, cause one year ago, I was very unclear of my path.

I have drafts of what I wanna achieve and where I'm heading to. But I was unsure.

The main point was I being UNSURE.

I wasn't SURE whether it will work out.

Then when I came to NUS, I realised something.

It wasn't easy.

Nobody said it was easy, but nobody said it was this hard.

There are people, still staying in Malaysia and travelling almost the same path as I am, who thinks the path they are taking is EASY.

However, I saw the big picture. It wasn't easy.

Those people could be the smartest top scorer in their universities.

But they MIGHT be the best of the worst.

I saw the big picture. There are people who doesn't attend any lectures yet performed 3 times better than me.

Those are the GENIUSes. I wasn't born a genius.

Their education system was amazing, to be able to create and mould so many of these people.

And there are those who doesn't need to study, as they are so good in cultural activities and sports already. Their future is guaranteed.

And also those who have created their own business while studying.

Also those who have already reached success through investment and have achieved millions.

These people are destined for success.

Their upbringing is amazing.

Their government is supportive.

Their education is in the right direction.

All these stated above, I don't have them.

-=-=-=-

So, my mentality of "being better than everyone", got crushed down.

Because I faced the REALITY.

It was painful. But I endured.

I believe, I was born to do something BIG.

I always believed that everyone is destined to make a change in this world.

However, many broke down in the middle of their journey.

So I believe, I'm in the land of opportunity. An opportunity will soon come to me.

I didn't come to NUS for the degree.

I come to be among the best, to know the best, and to be the best.

It is also because of opportunity.

Cause a senior told me once,

"In Malaysia, you're given a road to achieve a degree. In NUS, you're given many roads to achieve success."

So I believed. I constantly believed.

I believed in myself, that soon, my Fate will arrange me with a meeting with destiny.

-=-=-=-

Since I was born, I knew I wasn't meant to be the best in class nor studies.

Scientifically, it was proven that smart parents give birth to smart children.

My parents were not the smartest.

But they were the most ambitious people I know.

And they grab an opportunity wherever they see them.

And so I was born.

To be ambitious, and to grab on any opportunity I see.

Since young, I was trained to adapt to failures, to WELCOME failures.

I was told of many stories by my teachers and my parents of success stories of ordinary people.

So I was moulded, to achieve big by being ordinary.

And I believe, with me, the world will change.

This is my purpose of living.

-=-=-=-

I said before to treat everyday like your last day of life.

However, have you thought of what will you do you're living the last month of your life?

Many will say,

"I will enjoy to the max!!!!!"

Some will say,

"I will commit the biggest crime and die to be remembered!!!"

Others will say,

"I will make the lives of those who will continue living better even without me."

And there are those who will say,

"I will make a change. My name will be in the history books."

The first group of people are quite common.

Each of us wants to enjoy.

So these people will use the fact that they are dying as an EXCUSE.

They will tell their boss, "I won't work anymore cause I'm gonna dieeeeee!!!"

Then they enjoy.

If they didn't die, it is highly possible that they end up in rehab, jail or in hospital dying of an illness like AIDS.

The second group, I know a few from there.

Cause there was someone who posted this on facebook, that he will end up in jail if they treat everyday as their last day of life, and many liked it.

Yeah, I was going to post there saying he's an idiot cause he interpreted the quote by Steve Jobs wrongly.

However, as you all might know, I will get all the hatering, cause idiots make up 90% of the world's population.

Steve Jobs can die anytime, yet he didn't end up in jail.

What Steve Jobs did was what 3rd and the 4th group of people will do.

He made the lives of others around him comfortable, and he made a stamp of his name in the history books.

He is the living proof of a person that will die anyday, anytime.

However this blog is not about him.

-=-=-=-

Don't make dying an excuse.

Don't make anything as an excuse. Those excuses are for yourself to escape.

Don't corrupt a teaching by interpreting it wrongly.

Don't corrupt anything so that others won't do it. You are killing others.

Don't live for others, and don't make others die for you.

Make their lives perfect, even when you're not around.

Make them happy, even when they can't see your smile anymore.

Make a stamp in their lives, change it for the better but don't take credit over it.

Be there when they need you, and when they don't need you.

Make their lives golden, and then leave without making them forget about you.

Change this world, because it's not perfect.

Make this world better so the future generations can enjoy it.

Again, don't live for others, but don't make lives of others difficult too.

Make a stamp in this world, change it for the better but don't take credit over it.

This world needs a change, so do it.

-=-=-=-

Of course, all those above, are just TALK.

TALK is just TALK without ACTION.

So what have I done?

I have changed people's lives.

I have changed their perspectives on their lives.

I have changed their perspectives of their future.

I have shared with them my method of doing so.

But then, I don't claim credit over them.

But it is THEM, who should credit themselves, for giving themselves a chance to LISTEN and giving me a chance to SHARE.

I have told many about this. I have tried to make everyone around me achieve big things together.

But some won't listen. Perhaps it's not the right time.

However, I did what I think is correct.

And what I think is right, is always right and will always happen.

Because why?

Because I took action, and make them right, so that they will happen.

Talk is just talk without action.

But with action, it becomes a happening.

And when a happening is big enough, it becomes a part of history.

I can't say I have changed the world.

Because like I said, I couldn't do it myself.

Cause I'm not the smartest, most talent, one-man-show person in this world.

That's why I'm gathering a group of like-minded individuals, to achieve something big.

Cause being smart alone is not enough.

Because nobody is perfect.

That's why we need a team, where each members utilise each member's strengths, while covering each member's weaknesses.

And when this group is possessed by an IDEA,

they are unstoppable.

-=-=-=-

My dream, should have beem clear to everyone.

I wanna construct a bridge.

A bridge that will guide the members of the Poor Cycle towards the Rich Cycle.

To overturn this world and make it fair to everyone.

To be the Voice of the Voiceless.

To Bring Hope to the Lost.

To give Care for the Forsaken Ones.

To Raise Myself to Help Mankind.

To commit My Life to the World.

These are not my Dreams.

These are my Purpose.

The Reason I Live,

And the Reason I will live by for the rest of my life.

Who influenced me to do all these?

The World.

Hence, I will commit my Life to the World.

And be the Voice of the Voiceless, the Guide to Destinies, the Bridger of Lives.

These are my Purpose.

If I were to die next month, these are the things I will become.

Do not turn things into excuses.

But make them into A Sense of Urgency.

I've made DYING, A Sense of Urgency.

I don't want people to remember me for what I've done to them.

But I want people to remember me for what I've done to the World.

This is what everyone should be aiming for.

Talk is just Talk

without Action.

Stop making Excuses

and start taking Actions.

I will make chasing your dreams

Cool again.

.::.PS Chua.::.

some quotes credited to CM Punk, my favourite wrestler.
The Voice of the Voiceless.
The Start of the Reality Era.

Keep Holding On

2011-08-18T16:45:00.003+08:00

Previously in my life, I was just a moron, an idiot.

Thinking back, I don't remember who that person was.

I looked back, and I see a person who continues giving excuses to whatever he didn't want to do.

I remember when I heard the story of Loh Boon Siew, and I would criticise him for his problems he had, and not admire him for his success.

I suppose many people were like me.

When they hear of a person who has reached success, maybe one of their friends, they will do the HATERing, and criticised him for all the wrong he's done.

However, "the wrong he's done" may not be that wrong. Maybe it was due to the HATERS that their acts has been dubbed as WRONG.

This was something I realised.

However, this isn't what I'm gonna write today.

-=-=-=-

Many knew I have changed.

Many has criticised me, Some has been very neutral, and A number has been so supportive of me, I constantly seek a way to repay them.

Many said that I'm Crazy, I've Changed, I'm Not Who I Used To Be, and everything they can throw at me.

However, I don't mind.

For those who do not change, are doomed for extinction.

I'm just quoting the Theory of Evolution, in my own words.

Some of you might be wondering, What is my take on this?

I don't care. Haters gonna Hate, Losers gonna Lose, and Winners gonna Win.

So why focus on the Haters and the Losers when I can focus on Winning?

-=-=-=-

Well, this journey I've taken,

it's not just about the MONEY,

it's not just about the THINGS THE MONEY CAN BUY,

it's not just about the PEOPLE I MET,

it's not just about the FUTURE IT PROMISES,

it's not just about the PLAN,

it's all about the HOPE.

This journey I've taken, has given me HOPE.

HOPE, is something people will hold on to, to achieve something they always wanted.

The point is,

How far will you go and continue holding to that hope?

-=-=-=-

Why do people commit suicide?

I hate those people who HATEs on those who commit suicide. The hate is so strong I sometimes feel like killing them.

Yes, I'm very sensitive with those who have committed suicide.

Not because I acknowledge that the act they have done is the CORRECT choice, but I know how they feel.

I have thought of committing suicide before.

Why?

Cause I have lost HOPE.

I have lost HOPE for this WORLD, the SYSTEM, the REALITY, the PEOPLE and everything in between.

Hence, I've thought of committing suicide before.

Thanks to a little twist of fate, I have decided not to.

HOPE, is what that drives life.

Why do you decide to continue your studies instead of working?

Because you HOPE that you will get a job after that, or maybe to change/upgrade your life.

But what if I tell you, you WON'T GET A JOB, or you WON'T CHANGE your life even after going to the university?

Will you still continue your studies?

Mostly no, cause you have LOST HOPE.

So then you go to work.

Why you go to work?

Cause you HOPE that you will get your pay at the end of the month.

What if the boss tell you, "Since when I say I will pay you?"

Will you continue working?

Mostly no, cause you have LOST HOPE.

So those that committed suicide, has LOST HOPE. The only thing that can save them is that someone gives the HOPE again.

And that is what has prevented me from committing the foul act previously.

Cause someone has given me HOPE, and I thank the person for saving my life.

And now in this journey, it gives me ENDLESS HOPE.

Again, it's not the hope of getting money, not just that.

But a CHANCE to CHANGE, to CHASE, to GO FOR IT, to REALISE my BIGGEST DREAMS!

And that are my HOPEs.

That is why I continue running.

Cause I won't let go of this Hope,

This Hope to finally change this world,

This Hope to finally able to repay Everyone, not only my parents but Everyone, at the end of my Life,

This Hope to realise my wildest dreams,

This Hope to put my name amongst the greatest,

This Hope to finally create the Bridge,

This Hope to do the thing that no one has been able to do.

This Hope

Is the reason I've continued running,

Abandoning those who have abandoned me,

And holding the hands of those who have continued believing in me.

Those are the hands of the people I will never let go of.

Even if they stopped running, I will continue holding on and give them HOPE, so that they will start running again.

This run won't stop, until I stop it.

Those hands will keep holding on, until I let go.

Your life won't stop, until you stop it.

Your hope will always drive you, until you let go.

-=-=-=-

Take a time and think back, "Why was your life arranged this way for you?"

If your life is very smooth-sailing, stop thinking, cause you were not thinking enough.

If your ife has been very hard, then continue finding an answer.

...............

I've thought before, "Why the Near-death Experience?"

Then I realise.

It's to teach me that life is valuable. Life will not be gone until I let go. If I let go, I will feel nothing, but the people around me will feel something.

It has taught me that Everyday is Valuable.

At that moment,.

It was like a camera floating above my body. I saw me lying down in the middle, a person on my right, another on my left, both sitting down on the floor.

The view came from a very intense light, much more intense than the Sun, and then slowing falling down into my body.

When I was seeing the things I was not suppose to see, I saw three faces.

A face, was staring at my empty body. It was a very empty face. It was the face of a person who doesn't know what's gonna happen next.

Another face, was also staring at my empty body. It was a very sad face. Tears seemed to be coming down from the eyes. The person is doing everything possible to save me.

Another face, is mine. I saw myself. It's like looking at the mirror, but the person in the mirror has a white, pale face and a pair of closed eyes.

Then, I decided to stop seeing those faces.

I plunged into myself and I remember seeing an image of me spitting out some water that was fed to me.

And so I woke up. It was already morning.

The next day, a person told me, "Hey you spit out water when we fed you!"

And that was the moment I knew, those moments were Real.

The day before that, I had a fever of almost 42°C.

My brain would have been damaged. But for some reason, it didn't.

Thanks to the internet, I've googled it, describing all the experiences I had.

And all I see, is the word NDE.

And I knew, I was given a second chance.

I won't wait for my third chance, cause I think there won't be one.

What about you? Will you wait for your second, third chance?

That experienced also told me one thing. If I don't let go, I will stay alive.

It is cause I don't want to let go of my life, and I pushed myself into my body, that I woke up.

If I didn't, I wonder where will I be now.

Those visions, those lights,

I won't see them for the second time,

Until I've completed everything I'm destined to do.

So stop making excuses, and start taking actions.

This is a promise I made,

And it's the promise I will hold on.

A Hope, is the brightest of light in the darkest of nights.
And it will shine through everything, and give Light to your Life,
till the moment you let go.

I have nothing to say.

Everything that needs to be said

Has been said.

Now let the actions

Speak louder than the words.

It is a promise I will not break

Even till the day I die.

.::.PS Chua.::.

P.S. This is the first time I've made a detailed account of what I saw that dark, gloomy, and blurred night. I've thought many times before deciding to put this up. Those accounts are true and nothing were faked. The two people who were there don't know that I almost died, cause I never told them, as it is no use to them. Many has questioned and mentioned about my experience, so here it is. My only request is to treat me as how you have always treated me. I've always been a person who have realised I almost died, but don't treat me as a dead person. The reason I'm always happy was so that I will not see the sad and empty faces again. So do treat me as a live person =). I never asked for my death.

Opened My Eyes

2011-08-06T01:14:00.001+08:00

Have you ever sat down one day and thought, what if one of your loved ones die on the next day?

What if you were waiting for a bus, in a place packed with people, and then you received a message, saying that one of your loved ones have left to a better place?

Will you fall to your knees, drop your valuable phone on the ground, cover your face with your hands, and then screaming, shouting, crying endlessly in the middle of the crowd?

"Why!!??? Whyy!!??? Whyy!!???"

Will you scream these words?

What if you were outstation, maybe studying or on a vacation, and you received a call delivering the bad news?

Where will you run to?

Will you run to the airport, to buy the next flight which costs the highest, and then fly back to your hometown with nothing in your hands?

How far will you go to protect your loved ones?

How far will you go to once again see the face of your loved ones?

How far will you go to see them smile again?

How far will you go to sacrifice yourself, if you were given a chance to bring them back?

Have you ever thought of this?

-=-=-=-

We cannot predict what will happen tomorrow.

It is a well-known fact that a person in the world dies every minute,

but have you ever wondered if that person could be one of your loved ones?

Or even Yourself?

What will you do today, if you were to die tomorrow?

Have you done whatever you can in this world already?

Have you ever told all your family members, your best friends, your close friends and your boy/girlfriends that you love them?

Is that all?

Or will you say,

"If I had the time, which I don't have currently, I would have....."

"Even after death, I will continue protecting you...."

"You are my treasure, a part of my soul which I will bring to my afterlife..."

What will you say?

Who will you meet, if you were to die tomorrow?

Where will you go, to breathe your final breath?

What will you do on your last day?

What if it was your MOST loved one who will leave tomorrow?

Think of someone very close to you, someone who knows you inside out, a person who has been with you through thick and thin, a person you will protect with your life.

Now, what if that person will die tomorrow?

Where will you bring him/her to?

What will you say to him/her?

What will you do with him/her?

Will you throw away every commitment you have just to accompany him/her during his/her final breath?

Will you remember the last word s/he said?

What if that person were to die now?

-=-=-=-

No this post is not to hurt you or anything.

The reason that I wrote all this is cause all these words are in my mind every second.

Like I've said, I've experienced near-death experience before.

My feeling the day after that is surreal, cause I suddenly felt that I've been given a second chance.

A part of me was saying, "What the hell happened yesterday when I've closed my eyes!?? What were those lights I saw!!??"

A part of me said, "I'm still... here..."

Another said, "From today on, I will live my life to the fullest, risk everything to fulfill my dreams, be with my loved ones all the time I can, and tell them everything I wanna tell them."

A part of me today is still wondering, "What the hell happened that day!?? What were those lights I saw!!??"

But I shall not be bothered by that.

The life I had previously was a waste. Perhaps it was a message from the higher beings that I have to change and fulfill everything I wanna have.

There were dreams too, of my loved ones dying one by one after that.

It was only after I did something good to those loved ones and treasured them more, that the dreams finally go away.

One dream was about my brother, of him dying in front of my eyes in an accident.

I was totally heartbroken in the dream. Time suddenly turned faster as I tried to call the hospital.

Flashback came one-by-one and the times that were wasted came flashing through my eyes.

We were going for a movie that day.

I was still holding the tickets in my hand, but the words on it have gone due to the tears.

Everyone surrounded me, totally helpless as they see me continuously talking to my brother.

Then I woke up.

My eyes were covered in tears. My pillow was wet with tears.

I looked around, and my brother was not around.

I quickly reached for my phone and called my mum, asking where is my brother.

Luckily, he was just out of home.

The dream is still so clear.

It was just a dream.

What if it was not a dream, and when I called my mum, she told me that my brother was long gone?

Just this dream, has changed the way I lived my life.

Everyday after that, everytime I'm with my loved ones, I remember to say my "Hi", louder than my "Goodbye".

Sometimes I don't even say "Goodbye", for I fear that may be my last word to them.

It was also cause of one experience I had with one of my friends, which has gone to a better place already.

It was after school, I walked my usual path, then I passed a friend.

"Hey! How are you!?" I said.

Then we had a short conversation, before we parted ways.

Tomorrow, I heard from a friend,

"Hey, A____, has died!! Have you seen the newspaper???"

My heart stopped for a second. My hands grew numb. My face turned blue. I feel goosebumps throughout my body.

I quickly grabbed a newspaper from a friend and saw the news.

He's dead.

It was an accident. A piece of the ceiling fell on him as he walked passed a corridor.

I thought then, "If only I talked to him a while longer, he could have avoided that!!!!!!'

Also, I haven't really said everything I wanna say to him.

Because at that time, we weren't that close anymore, but we were very close previously.

If only I talked to him a while longer.

If only.

But it's too late.

What I can do now is to protect my loved ones.

I wanna do everything I can today.

I must be fast! For they and myself can leave any minute!!

I must repay each people who has helped me so far in my life.

I must accompany all my loved ones anytime I can.

I will use my life to protect them.

I will sacrifice my life just for a chance, A CHANCE, to bring them back to life.

I will make their days with me, the happiest day in their lives.

I want them to see my Dreams, the dreams that I have made, crafted for them.

For each of them, has impacted and influenced the course of my Dream.

Without them, I will not be who I am today and I will not have the Dream I have today

My Dream is to protect them.

My Dream is to make them happy.

My Dream is to one day be with them on every single day of my life.

My Dream is to fulfill every single one of their Dreams.

My Dream is to make their life just like a dream.

My Dream is my loved ones.

I will use my life to protect my Dream,

and I will risk my life to protect my loved ones.

For if they are not here, my Dream is worthless.

My Dream is for them, not for me.

That's why I'm rushing.

For I don't have much time left. Anyone of us could leave this world any minute.

That's why I don't care all those accusations, defamations that I've been given.

For those are the people who will feed me or my loved ones to the sharks if they have to.

That's why I'm so determined.

For it was not for me, but for my loved ones.

Nothing can stop me, but myself.

But I won't stop myself, cause if I were to stop, when one of them leave this world, I would have regretted my decision to stop.

So I won't stop.

People always say, "Nothing is Impossible."

I disagree.

because STOPPING ME, is IMPOSSIBLE.

If you ever loved somebody,

put your hands up.

and now they're gone,

and you wish

you could give them everything

.::.PS Chua.::.

More Than My Yesterdays

2011-08-03T01:38:00.000+08:00

I love this song that is playing on this site. Describes much of what I've done so far.
Such a short time, and everything has changed.

Some may have noticed this change.

Like one of my saviours said to me today, "Eh, Samsung Galaxy S2 arr??? I thought last time you say you very poor de??"

I replied, "Last time...."

Yeah. I told her this many times before. But I have changed, and I am who I am now.

When referring to "saviours", I refer to those souls who are kind enough to help me, although coincidentally, in my darkest of times.

If it was not for them, I may not be breathing today.

Anyway, the decision to change is not easy. I took a long time to decide.

Speaking about that, let me share with you the TWO weeks I've taken to decide.

Oh yes, when I write a blog post, there's nothing planned. I speak merely from my heart and nothing in between.

-=-=-=-

After being presented the opportunity given by a kind soul for me to change, I went home.

On the way home, I thought, "Is this IT?? Is this my BREAKTHROUGH?? Or is it just a... LIE?? Can this really change me??"

I thought and thought.

That was one of the darkest moments in my life.

My laptop was down, crashed all of a sudden.

My hostel fee was not paid yet.

I have a project to do but I don't have a laptop.

I'm lost, I'm merely a living dead walking without directions in life.

I sway around following the flow of wind.

I couldn't think. There was just too much problems for me!!!

Then I left all the problems, cause it's Chinese New Year.

So I went back to Selangor.

It was the worst journey there.

When I got there, I was damn tired.

There, I noticed, "What kinda life is this...? Do I want my future to be like this?? Waiting for my grandchildren to come to a place with no internet, instead of me having the time and strength to spend my whole year, whole life with them???"

I was very emo....tional.

I saw my mum's sad face and my brother's bored face.

I felt like... a hopeless person.

Every year it was like this, and there's not a single FUCK I can do.

It's the only word that can describe me, I was a fucked-up piece of shit!

My life has so much problems, yet I've decided to dwell within the problems, hoping for people to come and pity me! Hoping for money and solutions to drop down from the empty sky!

Then I knew, this is it! I'm gonna take this shit on and change my life!!! I don't care if I fail, I'm gonna keep chasing for opportunities till one day I reached my destination!!!

At that time, I thought,

"I have nothing to lose! Alive or dead, I'm still a fucked-up piece of shit! Why not I just take on this chance given to me and change myself???"

So I went back to Singapore.

I solved all my problems one-by-one, calmly solving it with the support of my neighbours and friends.

Finally, I discovered the solutions to each problems, and I'm ready.

-=-=-=-

Yes it's not easy for a normal emo person to solve so much problems.

But then I'm not a normal emo person.

I always thought highly of myself.

Some of you may say I very Syok Sendiri, cause I always proclaim myself as the best or the most handsome!

But it's not a joke, I seriously think of myself that way.

I don't care what people say, what insults I get, hell, I love insults!

I'm the Fuel, my attitude is the Oxygen, and the insults are the Sparks!! The 3 elements required to start a FIRE!

So at that time, I challenged myself. I WILL solve all these problems.

And so I had.

-=-=-=-

Why do I have such an asshole attitude of thinking myself as the best?

To be different.

I always have this in my mind,

"What makes me better than that person sitting there eating chicken rice?"

"What makes me better than that person sitting at the front part of the lecture theatre?"

"What makes me better than that person who has just ran passed me?"

"What makes me better than everyone here around me?"

I don't know.

I've been asking myself this question since I'm 15 years old.

Cause why? Cause at that time, I realised the solution to the last question.

I've always surrounded myself with smart people. So what makes me better than all the smart people around me?

Talking Crap

Like CM Punk boldly stated he is the best wrestler in the world (search youtube, "CM Punk Shoot"), I'm gonna boldly state that I am the best at talking crap!!!

But, shouldn't that be a weakness?

Someone told me before this,

"Focus on your strengths, while turning your weaknesses into your advantages"

I've always remembered these quote from I-forgotten-who.

I have a lot of weakness, so I've decided to turn them into my advantages.

I'm good at talking crap, so this opportunity given to me is my way of turning it into my advantage!

Cause why? Talking crap is still TALKING.

So I've decided to turn this into my advantage, my new strength.

I'm gonna be the best talker in the world.

I've started watching more wrestling, cause there, the best TALKER is the best SELLER and is the FACE of the company.

So I've picked up their tone, their rhythm, their choice of words, their posture and everything I need.

Yes, watching wrestling is also my weakness cause many says it's violent and it's TWO hours long.

But I turned it into my advantage.

I may not be better than the person sitting opposite to me,

but if he and I sit together, I will make him laugh, cry, and get angry anytime I want.

To be in control during a conversation and presentation, is the strength that I will have one day,

and I will be the BEST at it!

-=-=-=-

Some may say they like my attitude, my way of approaching what the world has to offer to me.

But I didn't even realise I have this kind of attitude.

Because it's not my attitude, it's my nature.

The nature that has been formed and moulded through all the challenges, the barriers, the problems that I have faced.

Therefore, I always credit those problems, for it is due to those problems, that I have found the solutions, and that has made me who I am today.

Talk is just Talk without Action.

Many says they wanna change, they wanna earn more, for themselves or for their parents.

But they refuses to change when the time comes.

Therefore, these are the TALKERS.

I'm the DOER.

I love reading books of successful people in this world.

Cause after reading, I will mould myself into that person.

I will adapt his/her strengths, and forget his weaknesses.

I analyses which paths they have taken and why they have taken it.

And so, I know, one day, like what my mum said,

I'm gonna be successful.

And I bet my life on it.

-=-=-=-

Why am I so confident?

Cause I know I can.

Why do I boldly state it here?

Cause then I know, I MUST DO IT or I will lose face!

Why do I reveal all that I have done here?

Cause good things are meant to be shared.

I'm having the time of my life, and so I'm here to share.

I've faced accusations, defamations, insults, incrimination, discrimination, back-stabbing, vilification, blame, bad-mouthing, etc etc etc etc.

But I know one thing,

If I keep going, one day I will reach my goal.

If I stop today, I fail.

So, what else there is to say?

I'm a dreamer, a chaser,

Forever chasing for the things

I've always wanted in my life.

I'm an avalance,

Nothing can stop me,

Only I can stop myself.

.::.PS Chua.::.

.....::::My promise shall not be broken::::.....

Overwrite The Norm

2011-08-01T01:10:00.001+08:00

Look at my eyes,
What do you see?

It was my long life belief that everyone is born into this world to create a stamp onto the human history.

Just like the Malay proverb: a tiger dies and leaves its stripes, while a Man dies and leaves his name.

That was why I've always wondered who will I be when I die?

A person is not judged by how many people present on his birth and birthdays,

but by how many people present during his death and celebrate his death anniversaries.

No one person is born to success, nor is one person is born to failure.

But different people do born into the different caste of the society.

However, that's not what I'm gonna write today.

-=-=-=-

Just recently, I got myself the Samsung Galaxy S2.

It's not a surprise for a half of my friends, which are the friends I met in NUS.

However, it is a surprise for my old friends.

Some thought, "WTF?", "How did he afford it?", "He?? Galaxy S2???".

I am a new person.

I am no more the old me who likes my POOR life and always complain about being poor.

I've changed my mindset, because I believe, a POOR mind makes you poor while a RICH mind makes you rich.

I've changed my lifestyle, my mission in life and my method in achieving it.

Quoting a successful young man, "This era is no more the big fish eat small fish era, but the era of FAST fish eat SLOW fish".

I'm currently travelling in a path that many have undertook and have achieved success.

I have no questions nor objections about this road, for many have taken it and succeed. What other questions need to be asked?

Questions and Objections only slow me down.

However, many HATERS (Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success), tarnished this path by saying it's CHEATING, DIRTY, etc etc etc.

Those who decides to hear what they say are IDIOTS (I Don't Intend On Touching Success) for they prefer to hear those that have never had any clear path in life.

It's like learning how to do maths, do you learn from a Maths Genius, or a person who has never did a maths question?

This life is about following successful people, reaching success, and then sharing and teaching the success to others.

However, the first step before all those is to change.

To change is to Overwrite The Norm.

The Norm of life is climbing the corporate ladder, winning the rat race, and retire.

Is life that easy?

Do most successful people follow that path?

-=-=-=-

NO!!!

I don't think all successful people follow that path.

Then, who are the ones who taught us that method??

The System.

This world needs a strong middle class, therefore, each government moulds their education system into promoting each student to end up in the middle class.

They need workers, and some entrepreneurs who will employ those workers.

So, do you want to be a worker, or the one who hires them?

A follower, or a pioneer?

A peasant, or a leader?

I prefer the latter, and so I have changed.

-=-=-=-

I've always loved the movie Inception.

Not only cause it has touched a topic of my interest, it has the best quotes.

"What's the most resilient parasite? An idea."

I've always been possessed by ideas.

Once I've found an idea to create something, something that will impact this world, I will commit my life to it and I will design my life to bring that idea to reality.

I have chosen Mechanical Engineering, because of these ideas, to create some very revolutionary products.

However, I shall not reveal them as many established engineers would have stolen the ideas.

And I'm possessed by this idea to make Penang the PLACE of the world, the ICONIC STATE of the world.

And so, I'm doing my best to gather people to create this dream.

Soon, people won't come Malaysia to visit KL, but GTown.

For when they come, they will see a great symbol which will be inducted into the 7 Wonders of the Modern World!!!

Yes, the dream that has started so small, is becoming bigger and bigger.

Soon, people will call Penang the Land of Opportunity.

This is my way of repaying my homeland which has moulded me into who I am today.

Thanks to the place I lived in where I'm the only Chinese, the school I go to where I learnt the most important thing of being a human, and the wonderful success stories that many Penangites have created.

And not forgetting the wonderful food there.

This is my SHORT-term dream, which is merely a stepping stone to the greater good, mentioned before in this blog.

You may say I'm crazy, to possess myself which such a huge idea and bearing the responsibility of making it come true myself.

But no you're wrong.

I'm not doing this myself.

The current stage is Aggressive Expansion, which means I'm welcoming anyone who dares to follow me in this path

to make the impossible, POSSIBLE,

to make unbelievers, into BELIEVERS,

to turn the dream, into REALITY.

-=-=-=-

If one person were to say,

"I'm going to march to Istana Negara, wearing a yellow shirt, and pass this memorandum to the Agong!"

Nobody's gonna care about him, cause he is doing it alone.

But if 10, 000 persons were to say the same,

The government will do anything it takes to disperse the rally.

It is not the idea, but the number of people who are into the idea.

So I've touched the surface of the idea that is in my mind.

And I believe with the path, the method I'm using together with my best of friends,

I will achieve it with or without you,

But anyway, good things are meant to be shared,

and there's a lot of potential for Aggressive Expansion.

So.... who's up for it?

I know that by doing this, my name will be in the history books.

But I don't like that.

I don't like people having to memorise a difficult name in their history book.

I want the history book to have the name of this TEAM, this team of young people, possessed by this idea to make a change, and with the upmost courage, went ahead chasing the dream, and finally achieving their dream, together.

Soon, people will Remember The Name.

For the moments

I have left in this world

It is my duty

To repay each people and things

That has made me who I am today

And nothing's gonna stop me

From achieving My Dream

.::.PS Chua.::.

UPDATE: The previous plan to revamp the design of this blog is cancelled. Actually the design is already there. However, it looks too professional and formal to me. This design is more... erm... I don't know how to say it but it sort of enriches the emotions contained in my words. So for now, I will just edit this design here and there instead.

Blog Revamp!!

2011-07-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

This is just a brief update as a notice that I will revamp this blog step-by-step (perhaps over a long period of time).

I will do my best to complete the revamp before the start of my new semester >.<....

I will be creating a dummy blog to experiment on the design first before using it here.

Just like last time, I will add and modify the coding bit by bit.

There's a high chance I will be removing the thing that's currently spinning around your cursor, yes there there yea you're pointing at it.

Or do you like the spinning thing?

Also, I will get better codes for the carousel at the top which has stopped spinning for the latest Internet Explorer.

And many more, like I will maintain the photo album up there. Probably I will be changing the photos to more meaningful ones =D.

And the three photos below, Sweet Sour and Bitter, those are too old.

Also, I welcome any suggestions, actually, I need suggestions!!!

Like, should I maintain that thing spinning around your cursor??

Like, should I keep this blog design my whole life?

Honestly, I'm getting bored at purple colour.

Currently, my base design will be this!!!

http://www.bloggerthemes.net/2010/06/fluid.html

What do you think about it??

Feel free to have a feel about the style of the blog at the link provided.

I need feedbacks! Give me through MSN, Facebook, everywhere including the chatbox there >>>> (if any of my real friends are still using it....)

Also, I hope that many of you readers following my blog is because of the things I write and my style of writing and not because of the design of this blog.

Things gotta change you know!??

Just as a side note. I may not change this blog if the effort of changing this blog fails.

My largest concern is the ability to customise the base coding of the design. Sometimes, things just couldn't fit.

Also, whenever I switch design, I have to change the three Daisypath things up there.

That thing is the most frustrating thing ever cause the background colour cannot be made transparent because the words will be transparent also.

So since you can see from the base design, the background is COLOURFUL, and not of a single colour.

Of course, I will be looking out for different gadgets with similar purpose.

At the meantime, just give me feedbacks, suggestions, and time!!

Dare to Dream

2011-07-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

It's unbelievable everytime I looked back, and I discovered memories that I have long forgotten.

I sometimes wonder why they were forgotten.

Maybe at that time, those memories don't matter, so I decided to throw it away.

Maybe they were memories of my dark times, so I decided to forget it.

Maybe time just ate them away.

But recently, a friend told me a story of something that has happened some time ago.

I was surprised that, I was a part of that story, but I totally forgotten about it.

I do, have problems managing my memories.

Sometimes, memories from dreams got mixed up with reality. Luckily it's getting more seldom now.

Then, I decided to look back further into my past, to rediscover the stories long lost, and to bring them back to me.

To my surprise, many of those memories are quite useful to the "Me" today.

-=-=-=-

One piece of memory was from a long time ago.

I once had this game, I forgotten what platform was it on already.

But it was a very fun game.

It was a motorcycle racing game, but the fun part is that you can kick other racers down.

So, as a boy, I like violence so everytime I race, I kick every racers down.

However, to my surprise, I never got the First place!

It's cause every fallen racer will get up again and continue the race.

While others aim for the First place, I was totally focused on eliminating competition.

Then, my uncle told me to just race and mind my own business.

He said, "You can never be the top when you're worrying about the people around you. Don't worry about your competition, just focus on your target."

It is a very beautiful quote, one that many will not practise.

So, I decided to just race, and finally I got the First place for the first time.

That event has totally changed my approach to racing games, and to life.

To not worry about competition, but to embrace them as a part of the game.

Life's a game.

The only losers are the ones who gave up, just like if those racers were to fall from my kick and never get up, they will surely lose.

But they don't, just like me.

-=-=-=-

This is one of the stories that I've remembered.

It's surprising, how Fate arranges events for us, so that we can learn from it.

What separates successful people from failures is the ability to learn.

Instead of learning, failures tend to blame and point fingers.

Just like the ruling party.

-=-=-=-

I asked before, why does Fate arranged my life to be so difficult?

Yes, my life is difficult.

Since young, I've been living in a place where I'm the only Chinese.

And every single day, I will hear these words, "Cina Bodoh!!"

Then, one time I asked my mum, "Why do they call us stupid?"

She said, "It's because our race agreed to sign the declaration of independence which has made us second-class citizens."

At that point, I started to develop this hate.

A hatred to my current life, my current situation.

I want to step out of the cycle, I don't want to be second-class, I wanna be first!

However, REALITY soon kicks in that my financial condition couldn't support my aim to be the first because the rich always gets the better of things.

Treatment from the teachers.

Books.

Clothes.

Stationeries

Tuitions.

Everything is better for them.

YES. You rich people reading this will say "You poor people always like to blame everything. "

Yes, I love to blame, and I like to drink Iced Lemon Tea.

I do whatever I wanna do and I blame everything I wanna blame because I wanna change it.

I'm not complaining, I'm merely pointing out the FACTS.

I admit that many poor people will blame but do nothing about it.

But I'm not one of them, and I will prove it.

There's many things I could not achieve using my current situation, therefore I'm here to change it!

-=-=-=-

Also, since young, I've been forsaken by my family.

Not my parents and my brother, but the extended family.

I've always envied those people who are so close to their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.

But me, I've been forsaken because of my genes.

They don't even know my name.

Hence, my only support was my smaller family.

It's very painful, to know that others get such great treatments from their extended family, but I'll never have one.

It's something I can never change.

"So why worry?" my mum said.

Why worry for something that I can't change?

My mother then told me, "If they don't care about you, it's better cause in the future when you're successful, you have less persons to repay."

Yes, my mother always believed that I will one day be successful.

She always said that my Fate has arranged my life towards success.

She always read my palms and said that I have this single, very clear and long line that many people don't have.

I always asked, "What if I don't reach success? What will I be?"

Then she will say, "Why worry? The more you worry, the worse the situation will be."

I always wondered what she meant.

It's only when I came to Singapore that I realise this lesson.

My financial condition is very bad at Singapore.

So why worry? I should take steps to improve on it instead!

And so I did.

And I'm now a happy person, in a very happy family, again.

-=-=-=-

It's unbelievable to notice that just a year ago, I was wasting my time with DotA.

Now, I'm using my time to build my future instead.

I'm like living in a dream, cause I'm living a dream.

I'm making my long life dream come true.

And soon, I will tell all the HATERS, those

H aving
A nger
T owards
E veryone
R eaching
S uccess

"I guess I told you so!"

Soon, I'm gonna reveal the latest development of the dream, The Pan.

We have come up with a motto, a very ambitious one. But we know, it is what we will achieve.

Cause we dare to dream.

Many wants to change this world,

but they themselves refuse to change.

I'm currently changing myself.

The next thing I'm changing is this world.

And a change I promise.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Never Need A Light

2011-07-02T00:11:00.001+08:00

Everytime it rains
I listened to the sky
I wonder what's so great about sunshine?

This journey, this voyage, is not the easiest.

Nobody said it was easy, but I take it as it comes.

However, I am glad, for I have found this opportunity.

It was something I was looking for my whole life, an opportunity to use my ability, the ability I have picked up from everywhere in my lifetime, and this opportunity has allowed me to perfect it.

It is an opportunity many are waiting for, but not many will take it, due to fear.

Our country, our beloved motherland, our wonderful education system, cultivates fear. It encourages people to fear, for if we fear, they win.

It is a global phenomenon, something that has dampened the pace of development, which should be lightning fast by now if many did not fear of failure.

There are not many big names today such as Thomas Edison because not many will embark on an expedition to invent something that everybody thought will not exist.

Everybody say he cannot do it, but he did.

Fear, is not a word. It's an infection.

-=-=-=-

So, am I saying that I do not have fear?

Actually I do have fear. I have a lot of fears in my life. My life is full of phobias.

It is because I had so many near death experiences that I have so many fears.

But it is because of those experiences, experiences such as "seeing the light", that I know, my life is short.

I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

It is a proven fact, that those who had near death experiences are more daring to try new things, other than those that almost made them die.

I just feel that, in this life, we are writing a story.

Many has written it and stopped prematurely.

Many has written it and ended it with a sad ending.

A few has written it and ended it with a happy ending.

I will end it with the happiest ending.

I'm not promising that the whole story will be the happiest story you will ever read.

But I can promise that at some point, the reader may cry when s/he is reading my story.

But at that point, I may or may not be crying.

Such point when tears may drop is like my experience from last year, which could perhaps be the darkest moment in my life.

Yes, I got the great news that I scored Four Flat in STPM, but that is just the calm before the storm.

Shortly after, my dark times came, and my life took a great U-turn.

I was a changed person.

But I remembered the "Everybody wears a mask" principle, so I covered myself with the thickest mask I ever wore, and nobody knew how I felt back then.

Looking back, looking back at my blog post, my posts during that period are the most popular to date.

Such post includes the "Stars in Heaven" post.

Luckily, one kind soul saved me from my dark times this year, and I've been having the time of my life since.

-=-=-=-

Many people are held by a single string, a string that prevents them from falling into the hell below them.

If the string is broken, that people may live, or may not live. If they are still alive, they will be a lifeless individual.

Some are tied tighter than others, tied further away from the hell.

Some are tied very close to the hell.

Some, have more than one string tying them. Those are the lucky ones.

Confused?

An example. Let's say you're an undergraduate, studying in an overseas university, and wholly dependent on your parent's funding for your daily expenses and the tuition fees.

If one day something takes away your parents, what will you be?

That string that ties you, is your parents. The thing that prevents you from dying from sadness, from falling into the deep, bottomless well of grief.

Most of the time, that string has something to do with money, as money is closely related to life.

There are many opportunities out there, to create another string that will still support you when one string failed you.

However, those opportunities won't be free. That's why many will not opt for it, although they need it.

Hell, everyone needs it.

Currently, what I'm doing is to create another string. This string will not only help me when one string fails, but also pull me towards my heaven.

So why would I opt for it when not many will?

It's because I've experienced the event of nearly losing my string.

Yes, at many points of my life, I nearly fell. My string nearly failed me.

I don't need to tell you what happen. You won't understand.

My pain, my grief, my sadness, is nothing but history now. It is a part of me that will never be gone.

But it is a part of me that has pushed me to become who I am today.

I will do anything to create a heaven for my family.

I will do anything to make my dream come true.

I will do anything to make my friends and everyone around me share this wonderful story.

I will do anything to make my story end with the happiest ending ever.

Then, my family will be the happiest family in the world.

Then, you will see everything I have created to have the phrase "A Dream Come True".

Then, everyone will inspire the next generations to adapt the motto "Ka Ka Khi".

Then, everyone will cry and smile while reading my story.

In the end, at the end of my life, I will tell people,

that is my creation,

that was the happiest family in the world,

those were the friends that stood by me in midst of fire, flames, thunder, storms, and everything in between,

and that is my life.

-=-=-=-

Previously, when I told my mum, I had this dream.

She would giggle and tell me "Go for it".

Recently, I told her, I still have this dream,

but now,

I have this team, working together with me to make this dream come true.

To reach our dreams.

To improve our family's condition.

To make this world a better place.

And she said,

"Go for it, I believe you can do it."

without those giggling anymore.

And so I believe.

I'm not a student,

I'm not an engineer,

I'm not a businessman,

I'm not an entrepreneur,

I will forever be a dreamer.

A chaser, forever chasing

for the stuff I dream of and believe in.

That is me.

Nothing will change me.

.::.PS Chua.::.

I Listened to the Sky

2011-06-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

And so I did.

Do any of you actually took a day off, sit down in a quiet area, a serene location, and think about the reason you're brought into this world?

I had, on a fateful day I had.
It was not so long ago that I did.

I was very free that day, cause of my commitment that is flexible with my time.

And so I flashbacked my life.

I turned the clocks back a month, a year, two years and so on.

It is not because I was too free, but because I can, and I need to slow down my chase once in a while.

I need to check the path I've taken, and whether it's still there for others to follow.

And so, this is my story.

-=-=-=-

Stop playing. That is what I've realised.

Not playing games, but playing with time.

Let me tell you the dreams I had in my life.

I once wanted to be a leader, a prime minister, a president.

I want to lead a country, so rich of culture, so full of potential, so many land left to use and so many capable people if only they are given the opportunity.

But then, REALITY kicks in.

It is not possible, and I mean IMPOSSIBLE for me to be a leader of a country in this lifetime.

This fact can be a very great joke, if told to people of other nationalities, as I have told a Canadian and a Singaporean before, and they laughed.

Being a leader of a country is an opportunity that is always open for everyone, but not me, not my country.

So I left the dream.

Then I realised my talent in music, the ability to learn any musical instruments very quickly.

So I had a dream, to become a professional musician, a rockstar or a famous performer or Joe Hisaishi.

So I made many songs and shared them with my friends.

Then, REALITY kicks in.

I'm not good enough.

I don't have any formal musical lessons. Most of the lessons are learnt from my school band and by myself.

I'm not rich enough. I couldn't afford instruments and formal musical lessons.

I didn't have the money to buy equipments and programmes to make great music at home.

I'm not worthy, as proven in Singapore.

So I left the dream.

And so I went hunting. Hunting for purpose. The reason I'm alive. The reason, Fate, Karma or God has arranged my life so difficult.

Why must my life be arranged so that I couldn't pursue many of my dreams because of me, myself, my status, my position, my financial condition, my everything.

I asked and asked, WHY?

-=-=-=-

I thinked about it very long.

I still want to be a leader of a country.

I still want to be a professional musician.

But I have another united dream, The Pan.

But that was not my dream, it was our group of friend's dream.

So I thought again, I wasn't born to be myself?

What is my dream?

Then I realised.

I want to kill REALITY.

I want to destroy that single thing that has killed many of the people living in the Poor Cycle.

Many of my friends, even though given the opportunity, refused to take it, because they fear that REALITY will kill them.

They are scared, and so they are left behind in the Poor Cycle forever.

This REALITY, is the thing that made me suffer.

This CASTE, I want to destroy it like how Abraham Lincoln killed slavery and Martin Luther killed racism.

This MURDERER needs to be murdered and banished.

I finally realised again, why did I want to be a leader of a country, and why did I want to be a professional musician?

It is to get a name.

-=-=-=-

Yes, a name, a position.

In this world, there are two important things to survive peacefully.

Money
and
Power.

Without these two, there is no SIMPLE LIFE.

Hence, any of you who wanna have a SIMPLE LIFE but doesn't have these two, can go dream for a simple life everytime you sleep.

There is no simple life.

If you have enough money to survive with your family, it won't be enough once I tell you "Your money has no value anymore".

Erm.. I think some of you might understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about financial and economical breakdown where your money will just be a very hi-tech piece of paper.

And power. If somebody can tell you to do something anytime they want, it is not a simple life.

I don't need money actually.

But I want power. A power to change the world.

I want to embark on community projects around the world and help people who was born in a wrong life, perhaps due to their wrongdoings in their past lives.

Yes, I was influenced heavily by the teachings of Tzu Chi Foundation.

But for me, people shouldn't have this thought, "I was born to a wrong family", "I was born in a wrong country", "I was born in a wrong life" etc etc.

For me, everyone should be equals and given equal opportunities like opportunities to success, food, simple life.

But then, I want my mission to be more of an opportunity to dream and chase it.

I like the stories of people chasing their dreams and achieving it.

I bought this book about how many successful people in this world were actually born to a failed life.

Li Ka Shing, Soichiro Honda, Thomas Edison and many many more.

I love to read their success stories. It is my greatest cup of tea.

So this is my dream.

I found it, I am chasing it, and I will reach it.

-=-=-=-

These few days, I'm very HAPPY.

But I can't tell why, this journey has been so exciting!!

Meeting new people every week is fun!!!

Today, my good friend Brandon told me something interesting.

Imagine one day when people make movie about our life, our chase to our dream and showcase it to the world like The Social Network, wow, how nice will it be bro!!?

Yes. If this happens, it will be great!

But that's a side product. I just want my life to be a great book.

A book where others from the Rich Cycle will read and say, "Yes, this was somewhat like my life/my father's life/my grandfather's life....."

And where they from the Poor Cycle will read and say, "This book will be my bible. I will achieve what he has achieved in a lifetime!!"

And where the ignorants will say "This is shit"

Cause they are shit.

Yes, talking about shit, I will talk about shit one day in this blog. I love to talk about shit, cause it's all around me.

And again, the opportunity is still open in case you guys wonder what I'm doing and wanna know more or join my chase.

Everytime it rains

I know it's good to be alive

A freedom in myself

A freedom with my soul

.::.PS Chua.::.

It's Good to be Alive

2011-06-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

Is this a very common phrase to hear?

"It's good to be alive"

Seriously, previously I was a person who thinks that I will be better dead than alive and suffering.

My life wasn't the smoothest of rides, but there are many others whose lives were worse than mine.

Even now, on the pathway that I'm travelling to chase my dreams, it wasn't the easiest of path.

But I love it. I love this journey. I believe I have taken the right path. I thank my brave inner heart to tell me to Just Do It or "Ka Ka Khi" in Hokkien.

I'm not a person to thank God, not because I'm an atheist.

I always believe there's an invinsible force that has shaped the Earth, the world, the society to what it is today.

But then, to contribute everything I have done to one person or being other than myself is insulting myself.

Again, this is my personal opinion.

I do sometimes hear voices to tell me do something, and just do it, but I believe it's just my strong gut instinct.

But it may be a higher-level being, who knows?

Anyway, it's really good to be alive.

This journey I'm having is wonderful.

-=-=-=-

Today, I finally shared to a friend my planning I have made in my mind to achieve my dreams!!

I feel so good to finally say it out and telling it out with such energy!!!

Plus, she is inspired to help me in my dream!!! One more people to add to my team of The Pan!!!

This day is a historic day for me. I love this day! It's Good to be Alive!!!

-=-=-=-

Recently, I've been following the WWE very tightly.

Actually, I've been following this superstar, Zack Ryder, very closely and monitoring his progress.

He is the first person in the wrestling business to have started a Youtube show using his character in WWE!!! Search LongIslandIcedZ on Youtube to watch it!!!! Best SHOW EVER!!!

As many have known, wrestling is fake.

But it is wrong. It is not fake, it is scripted, like movies and dramas.

If wrestling is fake, then every show we watch on TV is fake. Hell, wrestling should be considered REAL in that case cause the DAMAGE is REAL.

Yea, they don't really hurt others like normal street fight. If they were to fight so real, everyone will end up in hospital in less than one month, then WWE would have ended. Maybe everyone will end up dead before 40 years old too due to concussions.

There are other wrestling entertainment companies, TNA, ROH, PWA, NJPW etc etc etc.

But I watch WWE, because of the unfair system.

Let me let out the secret many don't know, simply cause of ignorance.

In every wrestling entertainment companies (especially WWE), there is this thing called the PUSH.

When a wrestler gets a "push", it means he will get more matches, more TV time and more promos to cut.

Promos are the time they use microphones to talk and to challenge people to a match or to intensify the storyline.

Yes, there is storyline that is written by a creative team, much like a team of scriptwriters.

The creative team has the hardest job in the world.

Their storyline is affected by injuries and accidents. They have to write different and unique storylines for almost all active superstars (around 20). Their choice of actors are always affected by the FANS.

Yes, the fans. Not the wind-blowing type.

There are two type of characters, a heel, and a face.

A heel, is a bad guy superstar while a face is a good guy.

It's very easy to be a heel, just insult the fans and cheat in every matches.

It's very difficult to be a face. Like in life, you can't make everyone like you in one day.

To be a face, the easiest way is to fly around. But then, those high-flyers are often weak and therefore is not a believable champion who can carry a company and be the FACE of a company.

Hence, to be a face, is to be a very good guy that defeats all bad guys.

But, that doesn't mean all will like you. Some will think you as being too powerful, therefore FAKER and boo you for getting to much PUSH.

A good example is John Cena who always get cheered and booed at the same time.

Therefore, it's very exciting to watch WWE =D.

Back to Zack Ryder.

He is a person who got a push before, but has lost the push.

Push is given by the creative team and the WWE management. Not everyone gets it.

To get it, you must be able to talk, able to wrestle properly without botches, and have a good face.

Talk, not everyone can, but Zack Ryder can.

Wrestle properly without botches. For info on what is it, search Youtube for "wrestling botches" to laugh your ass off.

Wrestling, even though a one-on-one match, actually involves a lot of teamwork.

A move, to be executed properly, needs bot person to move properly.

The most famous move, the Chokeslam, needs the one who gets choked, to jump (very) high up to be planted down by the choker. Yeah, that person jumps to get hurt, but they are used to it.

Another famous move, the RKO, needs the opponent to jump and stretch his legs far out and the attempter to grab the opponent by the neck, jump and fall down on his back, which is also painful.

Yes, it's very technical. Go search Youtube if you don't know any of the move.

So, Zack Ryder can do that. He can wrestle very well actually.

And yeah, he has a great face and a cocky smile.

But then, he doesn't get a push.

So he goes to Youtube and does videos in his free time, without leaving his TV character behind.

Many WWE superstars do youtube videos, but all of them act as their genuine, real-life person and not the character they play.

So the whole intelligent wrestling community (who knows all I've stated and more) are watching Zack Ryder, to see how will he progress.

All his Youtube videos has surpassed the 100 000 views and his total channel views is over 2 million, but then, still no push.

Yes, that's why I watch WWE.

It is the hardest path to chase a dream. There's just too many variables involved.

Many have given up, little has achieved success.

But they still do it, cause they can.

That's why wrestling entertainment industry can only exist actively in two countries, USA and Japan, for the people of these countries are very brave and daring to chase the things they want.

It's always fun to see a normal wrestler today to become the champion and the face of the company next year or the year after.

My fav wrestler to watch last time is John Cena, which I hate now cause I want him to turn heel (be a bad guy), cause he's just getting boring.

-=-=-=-

My journey continues tomorrow.

Like what I've said,

Our operation is small,

but there is a lot of opportunity for aggressive expansion.

If it sounds familiar, it is taken from the Joker.

I am still looking for people to join me in this journey I have taken.

The Pan is still in need of many skills.

Now, I'm looking for a very large network, a very reliable group of individuals, and a very professionally-skilled team of business partners to make The Pan a reality.

This is not a one-year plan, it will take a long time to complete.

I will start my engines after my graduation, where I will be executing the plan to make The Pan a reality.

The plan is set. The menu is in my mind. The employers will be employed easily and locally and the people to offer to has been decided. Everything is set.

Just need more people, more talent.

I'm not a perfect person, but I'm an ambitious person.

If I say I will achieve, then my life will be the bet.

A dream is something you will use your life to protect.

And I will defend this dream with my life.

If anyone were to insult my dream, or say I can't do it, then I can only ask you politely to stay away and rot in hell.

I can, therefore I will, and hence I must.

I can dream, therefore I will dream, and hence I must dream.

I can achieve, therefore I will achieve, and hence I must achieve.

I have made a promise, and I will never break it.

Even if The Pan fails, I will treasure the experience, and get a new dream a.s.a.p. and continue to live on a great chase.

My greatest dream is to change this world,

And I will use my life to protect it.

Hands in the air, like it's good to be alive.

The journey to success only has one motto,

"Ka Ka Khi"

.::.My Mum.::.

I will not disappoint

.::.PS Chua.::.

The Farthest Land

2011-06-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

[This is the 300th post on this blog]

Well, it's already nearing 2am.

Honestly, I'm tired, physically.

But I'm happy. Because I'm not tired today because I wandered around in shopping malls doing nothing, going around taking useless photos, talking trash to people everywhere I go or playing DotA till midnight.

If I accidentally described your life, then I have to apologise for I'm merely describing my past self, myself a year ago.

The sweetest part of an adventure is the journey, not the destination.

Just like love. People always say the sweetest part is while you're chasing the person.

I agree. But for me, the sweeter part will be partnering with my soulmate to chase a dream.

That is my dream. And I believe, because of the passion I have now, I WILL achieve it.

I'm tired because I've been chasing a dream endlessly. Now my eyes are asking me to close them.

This dream is not "a" dream. it is a set of dreams to achieve what I call the greater good.

It's not "the greater good" which you see in the movies.

It is a mission.

I believe every human is born for a reason, to create an impact on the world.

I see myself as the builder of a bridge.

It is a bridge which connects two different places.

At one end, it is a land where people are living their dream lives, people who can die anytime and be happy with it, but at the same time, there are people who fear death to the max.

At the other end, it is a land where people continue dreaming, but couldn't achieve it because of their environment. For them, they pray that death comes sooner, so they can get rid of this life as soon as possible. But some brave ones, tries to swim across the ocean to get to the farthest land on the other end.

It is the bridge that connects the Poor cycle and the Rich cycle.

My dream is to offer an easier path for those who want to swim across the sea.

There are many ways to reach the other cycle. But all of those ways are classified under a "Leap of Faith".

"Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone...." - Inception

What I dreamt of is to have a Global Community Project, to serve the orphans, the poorer countries, the under-nutritioned and cancer patients.

Also, I want to provide scholarships for the under-privileged Malaysian students to achieve their dreams.

No, it's not those JPA or ASEAN Scholarships which offers an opportunity to STUDY, it is to ACHIEVE their DREAMS.

Their dreams can be a Rock Star, a Celebrity Chef, a Tycoon, an Entrepreneur, anything, anywhere, as long as they can convince me to support their dream, or maybe to inspire me to follow their dreams.

They can be a dropout student or failed miserably in every exams, as long as I can see the passion, they will have the sponsorship.

That is my dream.

And to achieve that, I have The Pan.

But now, I am embarking on a separate project, which will lead me to The Pan, and finally to the greater good, the farthest land.

Yes, it is difficult to achieve so much in a lifetime. That is why I chose this path, as I can see myself achieving The Pan before I'm 40 years old if I travel on this path.

Some may accuse me as anything they want now. Some may abandon me now. But I see that as a blessing.

The strongest man is not measured by physical strength, but by willpower.

A man chasing a dream with no end, no fatigue, no rest, is unstoppable.

A year ago, when I started this blog, it is to share with the world my miserable life, a life where I can end it any second and I won't regret it.

Now, I'm sharing with you guys my journey to my dream.

The journey is the sweetest part.

This journey is open for everyone. I'm chasing my dream, if you are too, then feel free to join me.

Many asked me, "How much have you earned?", I may not tell you, because it doesn't matter.

What matters is how far am I from my first stop, The Pan.

I have drafted a timeline, by when do I need to achieve a certain stage of my life, and hopefully, I can retire by the age of 40 years old. Retire as in sit back and relax, not as in working for yourself.

Some of you may say "You stupid? You went to NUS just to work only till 40 years old???"

For me, we don't study so that we can work in the future. We study so that we can improve our knowledge.

While we are studying, those dropouts are out there, creating job opportunities for us instead.

Genting Highlands, Boon Siew Honda, Perwaja Steel, and many mega companies were formed by those who have dropped out of school or ended their studies prematurely.

It is proven statistically. Those who study higher ended up working longer for others.

I don't like working for others. I've had so much experience working for others, and I don't like it. It's boring.

So now, I'm changing my life.

But then, lemme share with you something I learnt from a friend.

The journey to chase a dream will be even sweeter if you're running together with your friends to the same dream.

I want the journey to be a very sweet one, and I believe it will be.

This is my story.

It will be full of ups and downs, twists and turns, tears and joys.

But one thing is for sure.

I will not stop.

A great man only needs a single tool

A great mind

.::.PS Chua.::.

P.S. The Pan is a dream which our group of friends, the Huang Empire, found in 2007. It is a dream formed from a very simple concept. It is something very simple, but to achieve it, we need a lot of resource and network. It is a very secret project, because it is very simple. If you know about it, good, means I trust you. If not, it may not be the time yet.

Let's Wind The Clocks Back

2011-06-01T18:19:00.000+08:00

A year has passed. Time certainly passes very fast when we are young.

A year ago, on this day 1st of June, was one of the darkest periods of my life.

Arguments happened everyday, friends met with their emptiness in their faces.

Everybody knows, we are going on our separate paths from now on.

My decision to bring my life to Singapore sparks arguments in my family.

In this life, I believe there are two cycles.

The cycle of the rich, and the cycle of the poor.

The rich gets richer, and the poor gets poorer and die.

It is the saddest thing in the society. There's no mid-income families. Mid-income families are those who earn enough to afford a living, which is a poor life.

You are either rich, or you're poor.

The rich gets to go to better universities, get better degrees, better jobs and better life.

The poor can only afford mediocre universities, get mediocre degrees, mediocre jobs and have the same usual life that they had since their childhood.

Some couldn't even afford a degree.

Even in primary school, we were taught of this cruel fact.

Rich students can afford better stationeries, better clothes, better life, hence performing better in life and liked by teachers.

Poor students couldn't afford stationeries, one shirt for a week, look bad in class, hence well, no use telling my life.

Actually no. I wasn't a poor student. I was a rich student. But then, rich students won't notice the 2nd cycle, the poor cycle, so how did I realise about it?

It's because years after, I entered the other cycle. I became a poor student.

It was one of the saddest point of my life, to know that we have to cut our usage on electricity, water and daily amenities.

The computer used in my home, the desktop, was used for around 10 years and it's still there.

I reused many things, just to save cost.

I made my notebooks from papers found in my home.

I lost the habit of watching television, telling myself it wastes electricity, and it makes myself stupid, since it's the Stupid Box.

And my life went on till today.

But one thing is for sure,

I hate this life.

During my periods of working in Parkson Grand, Roti Bakar Kopitiam and Munchie Monkey's Cafe, I realised one fact about myself.

I get bored easily.

I don't like walking home everyday using the same road, I wanna see new things in the roads I used, or I wanna use different roads.

I don't like doing the same thing everyday.

I don't like looking at the same people everyday.

Since young, my mum taught me about the principles of starting a business.

She is a multi-talented woman. She knows how to cook, how to cut hair, how to sew and how to cure people using Chinese and traditional medicine because she is a Chinese Physician.

She's the best mother anyone could hope for. But the best thing about her was her mindset.

She always have the vision to start a business, a big one.

But then, due to a fact, she couldn't.

So, she kept telling me all these:

Why we shouldn't fear failures,

Why in everything we do, we should do our best,

Why we must "ka ka khi",

Why it is bad to work for others,

Why we must mix only with the correct people,

Why we should treat everyone equally

and etc.

I remembered, she once read my palm, and told me, "You will be a great businessman".

It was a sentence that I hear frequently. My late grandfather was one of them who told me again and again.

Till now, I still hear his words, "Don't live to work for others, live for yourself and work for yourself".

That's why when people say "I worked for Steve Jobs", "I work for Bill Gates", I laughed at them.

They are still working for others, and they are so proud of it?

A year ago, I made the decision to go to NUS.

Many went there because of the rankings.

I go there for the opportunity.

The opportunity to mix amongst more intelligent students, students who will become top leaders and workers in the future.

The opportunity to live in a fair environment.

The opportunity to get out of my comfort zone.

The opportunity to jump to the other cycle.

My belief about the cycles is that, to move to the higher cycle, there is only two ways.

Change your body or change your mindset.

Change your body = Die & Reborn

For me, I changed my mindset. If we live poor, we will be poor forever.

We have to take a leap of faith, across the bottomless pit in order to see the Lands of Fortune beyond the pit.

This day, thanks to the advice from my mum to just "ka ka khi", I managed to find a pathway, a pathway straight to realising my life's dream.

Also, there's two types of people in this world.

People who are with you, or against you.

There's no fence. The people on the fence are against you but don't dare to say it, but they may do something behind you.

Our operation is small,

but there is a lot of opportunity for aggressive expansion.

The answer is to turn our dreams into reality,

and failures into fortune.

In this life,

we either live a normal life,

or we build an empire.

I choose the latter.

.::.PS Chua.::.

The Unfinished Story

2011-05-20T01:36:00.001+08:00

Time. Time is something we cannot control.

Yes, it is a science fact that time is uncontrollable, and time can't be a negative value.

But does it bother you? I believe many have lived with that fact. Many that are comfortable of where there are now has no problem with time.

But no, I'm not comfortable with where I am now. So yeah, I do wanna control time.

Many feels they don't need to work day by day to secure something to eat. But I have experienced that before.

Anyways, this is not an emo blog.

The person I hate the most are the person who are very confident that nothing will happen tomorrow, that they won't die tomorrow, that everyone around them will still be around tomorrow.

The fact is that time is uncontrollable, that's why we have to bother about it.

The meaning of me saying "to control time" is to use our time to its best, till when there's something happening, we won't regret at that time and think "I should have.......", "Why didn't I......."

Controlling time is having a lot of time and making the most use out of them.

Time. Time is relative. One day for us passes so easily. One day for a child passes even quicker. One day for an elderly man, passes like a year.

If you were to receive a news that you're gonna die in a weeks' time, what will your everyday life be?

If you were to receive a news that your only daughter have only a months' time to live, how will you treat her?

Time is relative. It depends how you see it.

Everyday should be a long day, filled with happy moments.

Sad moments cannot be ignored, because sad moments will make us treasure our happy moments even more.

I have experienced before the feeling of a single, simple "Goodbye", turning into the last word I said to a friend.

It is not a good feeling, to be one of the last person to speak to him.

It is my regret, that I did not spend more time with him. Perhaps one, two more words, would have changed everything.

Perhaps he could have evaded the falling bricks by a second, if I were to talk to him for another more second.

But I didn't, and he's gone.

It's not much use regretting now. All I can do is to learn from that and to treasure my time more.

To say everything I want to say when I meet a friend, and to tell everything I wanted to tell to a loved one.

That is what I have to do.

Time. Time is cruel. Time can bring lives, happiness. But when Time takes away a life, it brings sorrow to even more people than the happiness it has brought.

It is for these reasons, that I've decided to take on this path the pathway to my dreams.

Every person has a dream.

Some may not have, cause their wonderful family already made their whole life a dream.

Some may have, but kept it as a dream to dream of every night when they go to sleep.

Some may have, constructed their own pathway, but failed, and gave up on dreaming.

Some, makes dreams their reality.

Sometimes, some dreams are not possible, perhaps due to the cultural or environmental factor.

Like becoming a Chinese Malaysian wanting to become the Prime Minister in Malaysia, is impossible.

But for me, I've decided to take on this pathway to my dreams without much thinking.

It is my heart.

I feel that it is my destiny, to make an impact on this world.

I always believed that everyone was borned unique cause everyone is meant to do something good to this world.

But in the end, the person who stopped us from doing so is ourselves.

I'm not letting me stop myself.

I'm doing whatever I can do now.

So that I can have more time for my family in the future.

So that I can give a better life for my children, a life I could never have.

So that anytime my friends need me, I will be there for them.

So that I can change one thing that I wanna change in this world, the society.

So that I can live my mother's dream, which is a dream she cannot fulfill, but left for me to do so.

That is why I cannot fail.

I am not allowed to fail.

I won't allow this dream to be carried on to another generation.

It is my duty, my dream, my destiny and my promise, that I will do this, and I will not let my "friends", the society, the caste, HELL, if FATE were to stop me, then I will make my own fate!!

It is my dream, and I will make it my reality.

I've overcame so many challenges so far in my life, and I won't stop now.

This story will continue, till my final breath stops me from writing.
By then, the story would have completed, with the happiest ending anyone could ever have.
It won't be the happiest for me alone, but the happiest for everyone around me
cause happiness, is not for one to cherish
but for everyone.

Some of you may not know what I'm saying. What is this path??? What is my BIG dream???

There can be only two reasons

1. I don't want to tell you.

2. It's not the time yet to tell you.

Hahaha. So hopefully it's the second one.

This is my unfinished story

And I promise

Once it's finished

It will be

The most beautiful and inspiring story

That one will ever read

.::.PS Chua.::.

Separate Paths

2011-05-07T16:53:00.000+08:00

Time, is something we cannot control.

We always say, "I miss those moments, those moments of relaxation. Now it's all gone..... bla bla"

But these thoughts prevents us from treasuring the moments we have now.

It's been almost a year, that I've embarked on a journey over the sea.

I'm not referring to the Johor-Singapore sea.

I'm referring to the Gap, the Gap that exists between Malaysia and Singapore in terms of economic, social and environment.

I've met many people in this one year.

And now, is the time where many of them are going on separate ways.

What I'm referring to is the fact that I'm leaving my hall, Kent Ridge Hall.

It wasn't a good experience at the start.

I didn't make many friends.

I got secluded.

My dreams were broken down into pieces.

However, I thank them, I thank them for all the problem they gave me.

If there was no problems, I wouldn't have found any solutions.

And without those solutions, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I wouldn't have met those kind souls inside and outside my hall who would listen to me, care for me and feel my pain.

I thank my AOGL, Kah Eng, who at the moment when I discovered I'm on debt for my hostel fees, she presented me with an opportunity to work at Munchie Monkey's.

Without that, I wouldn't have known those many people who have the same problem as me.

Without that, I wouldn't have known the Student Executive of Munchie Monkey's, who for me, is someone who dares to fight for his dreams.

Without meeting him and discovering his story, I wouldn't have the courage to fight for my dream.

It is rare for me to mention a name here, but I really owe a lot to her for offering me a rather ordinary opportunity, but for me, it is truly an eye-opening experience.

I wanna thank my neighbour too, Qi Xiang, who has been there all the time when my dreams were broken down.

Also, thanks to my other neighbour, Tang Xin, who told me of the ample opportunity that exist in NUS where I can use to achieve my dreams.

I think that they don't know about my broken dreams, because when I received the news that I failed both my auditions, I locked myself in the room crying.

It is very heart-breaking for me, to have my biggest dream ever at that time, broken due to favouritism.

But then, I managed to wiped my tears and come out of my room looking normal to talk to both of them who were at that time already talking in front of my room.

I don't know why they were standing there. Maybe it's just coincidental, or maybe they have heard my cries.

It isn't common for me to take a leap of faith, to come to Singapore to live a dream, for I fear of failure.

But now, I really thank those who have failed my auditions, for if it's not for them, I won't be who I am today.

In this one year, I've grown a lot.

I learnt that it is not enough to dream.

I've experienced failure.

I've seen the world in the bigger picture.

I've learnt that studying is not enough.

I've learnt that we have to take a leap of faith, to take the unconventional way, to take the road less taken, to achieve our biggest dream in the shortest amount of time.

-=-=-=-

I've started this post by saying the scientific fact that time is something we, humans, cannot control.

It is actually, a prelude to my next post, to why I think that is a problem.

Actually what I wanna write is about separate paths.

Many of the friends I met in hall are final years, and now they are leaving.

I may be in the road to losing some really good friends.

However, this situation happens quite often.

After your A-levels, everyone will go their own way.

After every semesters, once you and your friend take different modules, both of you may not be in contact again.

It always happen, even to me. However, I don't like that to happen.

I've lost many friends throughout my life.

It is a very sad experience to lose friends.

That is why one of my dreams is to not lose any friends anymore.

And with the invention of Facebook, I think it is not an impossible feat.

Friends are the next most precious thing after family.

And to why I say that, I believe most of you know why.

What I want to say is that, no matter where you will go half year from now, or ten years later, I will still be here.

I will still be here fighting for my dream, or have already achieve my dream.

You are the raging waves

I am the exhausted beach

The warm sun hangs over our shoulders

Even a thousand years

I will not forget

The songs we sang to each other

But I want you to remember

When you are alone

When you have stopped singing

I will continue singing my song for you

.::.PS Chua.::.

We Could Have Had It All

2011-05-04T02:58:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I have this inspiration to write something, thanks to the great song, Rolling in the Deep by Adele.
It is 2:09AM, and I'm writing a blogpost.

As some of you might know, I've just finished my exam.

Since high school, my view of exam is that it is a time-wasting, idea killer. Why?

Cause my mind, my brain, even while it's sleeping, is always thinking of ideas. I manifested the ideas in my dreams using lucid dreams, which are conscious dreams.

Anyway, that is not the matter!

For me, during exams, we students are forced to FOCUS all our BRAINS to something that is NOT WORTH focusing on!

Why is it not worth focusing on? Because ALL of the exams of every modules/subjects came in at the SAME TIME! Why not have them further separated like one week between each other?? It doesn't make sense to focus on all separate things all at ONE TIME!!!

For me, I like to think of ideas. Great people share IDEAS.

I'm a dreamer, a daydreamer, one who always thinks of what he's gonna do the next month, the next year, the next ten years, and the next life!

But during exams, I'm forced to focus on those bundled exams that I often lose amazing ideas!

Previously, my ideas was more on songs, as I composed songs before. Yes, I've moved on.

Now, my ideas, are ideas on how do I fight for my dreams.

Yes, do you have dreams? I believe everybody have at least one.

To be rich, to be free, to have a wonderful family, etc etc.

Yes, those are dreams. Everyone has it. But not everyone DARES to FIGHT for it!!!

Why!!??? Why are people scared of fighting for something they want soooo badly!!??

The fear of FAILURE. The fear of losing something that is close to them, something precious.

Our education system has stressed to us one thing -

DO NOT FAIL.

Due to that, we are a generation of people who are scared of failures!!

But can you succeed when you haven't experienced failure??

One of the greatest invention of mankind, the lightbulb, experienced thousands of failure before achieving A SPARK of light.

Just to achieve a SPARK of light, Thomas Edison burnt down his barn accidentally with all the animals in it. MONEY GONE!!!

But if he were to surrender to failure that time, we may not have light today, or even our dearest laptops, as he discovered direct current, that is battery.

A man's dream, can influence the world.

A simple dream, to create light, has brighten the night sky of the whole world.

Also, we are influenced by many stories that to achieve a dream, we need to sacrifice something.

Yes, I agree. I used to think, "I will sacrifice ANYTHING, to achieve ALL my dreams...."

But then, a friend asked me before, "Will you sacrifice your family...?"

I was speechless. I told myself, "WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE MEAN!!!?? OF COURSE NOT!!! ...... wait..... that means I won't sacrifice anything for my dreams.....

Then..... will I ever achieve my dreams........?"

Then, I started to fear dreams. The only thing I dare to do is to TALK about dreams, not FIGHT for it. I believe my close friends know this.

I remember one dream I told them,

"...I'm gonna create this franchise of restaurant. Together with my future as an engineer, I'm gonna manufacture the MOST COMFORTABLE chair EVER in the world to let my customers sit. Then, I'm gonna PATENT it, so no one will steal it! Then, other companies will wanna buy my technology. I'm gonna sell to them, with the name of my company written at the back. Then one day, when the whole world is using my chair, they will love my chair so much, they will die for it. Yes, by then, I will be controlling the world with an INVINSIBLE HAND....."

Absurd? Yes... totally.... cause that is all talk. Talk SHIT!

But then now, with the expressway that I'm travelling at 110km/h, I can see it being achieved right in front of my eye.

Quoting the wrestler, Christian, who has recently won his first World Heavyweight Championship after 20 years in the business,

"....Previously, I don't dare to touch the World Heavyweight Championship, because I feel that I'm not worthy enough to touch it, or to have it. But when I climbed the ladder, and touched it for the first time, I finally feel that I CAN ACHIEVE IT! ...."

It is a matter of feeling it. Although many may say wrestling is fake (that is true), but many of the storylines are based on real emotions.

Christian, the wrestler, only got his chance after his best friends for 20+ years, Edge, retired from wrestling due to an injury and was forced to surrender his championship.

Then the company, WWE, sees it as a chance to give Christian, who is worthy of the championship, this championship, and hence, created a storyline based on real events.

Why do I watch wrestling?

Cause many people who wrestle, is there to ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS.

Many of the wrestlers you see today, dreamt of becoming a wrestler since 5-8 years old.

That business is not an easy one to enter, but some has sacrificed 10+ years just to enter WWE.

That is why I watch. To watch how much these people will sacrifice their time and body to achieve a dream.

Some people call me stupid. Watch man fight in tights. Gay. Fake.

For me, it is something more. To see people achieve their dreams, gives me the energy to fight for my OWN DREAMS!!!

Previously, during high school, I was afraid to say this, but I've said this before in my blog if you remember.

I've embarked on a journey.

A journey on the road less taken.

I've followed my heart again,

just like when I decided to come to NUS.

And I believe,

my heart is leading me

to the right way.

Soon, I will be able to live my dreams,

dreams that I've once forgotten,

but never again.

At that time, I won't be the only happiest person in the world.

The people around me

my family

my best friends

Huang Empire

will be the happiest people of the world.

There is no way back,

cause there's no reason to have one.

I will never cry again,

just like I cried when I thought that my dreams are gone,

No, it won't be gone again.

I will live my dreams.

That is my promise.

I will be successful.

That is my vision,

my aim,

my dream,

My Promise

On what the journey, the voyage is, some of you might have known. Some of you even told me, I'm in an expressway to failure.

To anyone who have said that, I have nothing to give you but this o0o.

This is my dream.

To one day, be able to make everyone happy, my family and my friends.

To free this world from suffering.

To inspire young people to have the courage to fight for their dreams.

To change the order of the world, to be towards self-satisfaction, to let everyone has the chance to live their dreams, and not to satisfy cronies and politicians only.

To change the world's order.

To destroy the two fateful cycles of life, the cycle of the poor and the rich.

These are the grandest of my dreams.

The dreams motivated by my faith in my religion, my lessons learnt in life, the lessons taught by my mother, father and brother, the things I see wrong in this world and my lifetime dream to change the world.

The ability to inspire everyone to fight for their dreams. That is who I dream to be, and now that I dare to say it....

That is who I will be.

You have my words. ^^V

We could have had it all.

Tears are gonna fall.

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold.

And failure is something I will not hold.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Let It Go

2011-04-30T18:41:00.004+08:00

Sorry everyone who come here to see my post. I don't wanna blog anythin anymore for today.

You know why???

Actually I wanna post something very important for me.

But, blogpost HAVE TO kill the post by deleting all the spaces between lines.

Why? Ask the fucking blogspot who are made of noobs who don't know how to program their HTML codes properly.

I'm a very meticulous person, as you can see from the layout of this blog.

I want everything to be perfect and flawless. That's me.

If blogspot wants to ruin my meaningful blog post and make it ugly, I RATHER NOT POST ANYTHING!!!

Hell, if this happens anymore, I'm gonna move to Wordpress.com. Yea hell yes I'm gonna go do one account right now.

Blogspot has become shit since it was bought by Google, just like Youtube.

Fuck this. I was going to write about something I've been thinking to write for 2 weeks, and now I'm not gonna write anything thanks to Blogspot.

Fuck off blogspot, and fuck off you spammers who are spamming my chatbox. I've had enough of this!!!

Ohya other than that, I CAN'T POST YOUTUBE VIDEOS HERE!!! FUCK BLOGSPOT!!!

There's a World Out There

2011-04-03T16:57:00.000+08:00

Well it's surely been very very long since I've last posted anything here.

I've been very busy recently, and one of the reasons is this!!!

Other than that, I have lots to do also. Many other projects, assignments and commitments.

Anyway, all are almost ended now. But the final exam is coming >.<""......

Well last night I went to the night cycling event. I went there to take some beautiful photos of the night sceneries in Singapore cause it is rare for me to go out at night.

Erm... the last photo is a bit out of place...

Anyway latest news. I'm moving out of my hall/hostel next semester. I'm going to a different accommodation place.

Well, I'll leave the sad leaving part when I'm really leaving.

I think this is it for now.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Through the Storm - My Promise

2011-03-13T19:25:00.001+08:00

Hey people, it has been a while since I've posted. I'm very sorry but I'm very busy recently.

I've got myself into a business, and before I'm successful in it, I won't be announcing it here, nor to anyone back home.

It has been a great journey in the business and I believe I will be announcing it here soon.

Anyway, my work and assignments are stacking up higher and higher.

A very busy semester for me, as predicted.

Luckily, I've prepared enough since last semester and I never regret my decision.

Soon, I will be participating in the sleep experiment again =D.

This is a very short post, which is just to update everyone and also to tell everyone this.

I've embarked on a journey.

A journey on the road less taken.

I've followed my heart again,

just like when I decided to come to NUS.

And I believe,

my heart is leading me

to the right way.

Soon, I will be able to live my dreams,

dreams that I've once forgotten,

but never again.

At that time, I won't be the only happiest person in the world.

The people around me

my family

my best friends

Huang Empire

will be the happiest people of the world.

There is no way back,

cause there's no reason to have one.

I will never cry again,

just like when I thought that my dreams are gone,

No, it won't be gone again.

I will live my dreams.

That is my promise.

I will be successful.

That is my vision,

my aim,

my dream,

My Promise.

I will never fail.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Perfect Insanity

2011-02-25T10:08:00.000+08:00

This week is supposed to be recess week aka study week for the midterm.

Although I only have 3 mid-terms, but damn, I'm so busy this week that I missed ALL of my hall dinner.

In short, I'm always not in hall at night!!

This week has been super-duper busy for me.

Plus, I have to finish everything by Sunday, this Sunday.

I have to prepare budget proposal and quotation, which is my first time doing this.

I asked for guidance from someone, but he is yet to reply me, meaning I have no idea how to start, where to start, and I have to submit on Sunday.

I have to prepare the design for my station for an event, but my partner is yet to reply me, and I don't have anytime to think about it at all. Submit on Sunday also.

I have to finish my magazine design by this Sunday too, but the revised article wasn't sent to me yet. So, how to start?

Yeah, have to study for midterm somemore. Crazy liao lo!!!

Anyway I noticed that there is a spike in the number of visitors to my blog.

Although this happens periodically, the previous time it happened, something not good happened also.

Cause when the audience increase, the topics I can talk about will shrink because some may get offended.

But seriously, it has been damn busy for me.

My neighbour even said that I went to deep although I'm only in first year, fresh and don't know everything.

Plus I have no experience being a treasurer.

But I guess it is normal to learn by ourselves in NUS. However I can risk this duty by adapting a trial-and-error approach.

Damn, I don't know why I got time to post shit here also.

Still waiting for everyone to send me a reply, if not, nothing can move.

Fade To Black

2011-02-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

Well of course none need to be said about my absence from blogging. My laptop gone dead last week and I just got my laptop back 3 days ago.

So now it's fast, but then not really the same as before.

The thing I don't like is that they used TISSUE PAPER to wipe my keyboard and as you know, some of the tissue papers will be torn out and stuck in between the keys.

Luckily I have the air blower where you press and press to blow air one... yea yea that one.

Anyway, moving on.

-=-=-=-

This week has been quite awesome. One of it is that one of my events in NUSSU Peer Support has succeeded.

Another is that I got the post of treasurer in one of their events, that is the Movie Screening event.

Previously, what I do in the Movie Screening event is just to stick posters, now I'm a treasurer.

I'm glad cause they do acknowledge the members who commit fully to the CCA.

Now I'm in 3 events, a member of the subcomms and the operating member of the CCA, which is rather a lot.

But then the events are really fun, so I don't regret anything.

-=-=-=-

As usual, I like going to workshops.

Recently, my workshop on Photoshop has ended, and I earned a certificate for that. Whoooshhh!!!

Just now, I went to this workshop on LaTex, a text-editing software like Microsoft Word, but is specifically for academic writers.

Academic writings include letters, resume, books etc etc.

It is good cause it comes with a template which you can search anywhere in Google. Awesome!!!

But there is a need for a little coding, so those without coding experience will need time to learn.

Although the presenter of the workshop didn't do much in teaching us, it is still a great introductory workshop.

-=-=-=-

I can't really describe what I'm feeling right now actually, so you may feel that my writing seems a little unemotional.

Oh ya I just finished presenting and writing my English presentation and essay.

I'm quite proud of my presentation although I didn't do the slides cause my laptop was down, so my friend did it for me.

I'm quite proud because out the lousy slides, I could make the audience and the tutor be engaged into my presentation. If I could have done my own slides, it will be way better.

I feel out of the career workshop I went and some others, I'm now more confident of myself and are not scared to present in front of an audience anymore.

The good thing about NUSSU Peer Support is that it trains you to be a very emotionally-stable and confident person because this is essential to help others.

That's why now, I'm aiming for a high post in the next year.

Nobody knows who I really am.

I never felt this empty before.

And if I ever need someone to come along,

Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate

The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape

But if we ever get lost on our way

The waves would guide you through another day

.::.PS Chua.::.

The Memories Cease The Pain Inside

2011-02-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

Do memories really cease the pain that you feel deep inside?

Or the fact that they are memories made you feel an even deeper pain?

Does the fact that memories are something that have slipped through your hands, something that is not yours anymore, something that you can get back, sometime or somewhere where you wish you wanna return to, but you can't, makes you feel despair?

Today while I was walking down my favourite path, a walkway I must pass to get from Engin to Arts, which is a pathway through a garden (sort of), filled with trees and the occasional sound of birds and owls, a thought came into my mind.

Soon, I won't be walking down this path anymore.

Yes, it is true, but not because I will lose my legs or I will leave NUS soon.

But if you guess that I'm leaving NUS, then you're half correct, as in half of the two words "leaving NUS".

The truth is, it is highly possible that I will leave Kent Ridge Hall soon (aka my hostel).

The great thing about NUS for me is the existence of Halls, which is not only a place to stay, but a place to socialise and do the things you love to do.

For me, I couldn't manage to do the things I love to do.

However, I was fortunate enough to have a bunch of wonderful neighbours.

I don't know if it will be too early to honour each of them now, but I guess I will leave that till the time when I'm really leaving.

I have a fun-to-be-with neighbour, who is not here already, who shares a lot in common with me.

I have a caring neighbour who knows whether I'm in my room or not at all times and who consoles me when I'm feeling down.

I have an informative neighbour who could tell me anything I need to know about my course.

Also, I have my ex-school seniors who I know could always help me.

Anyway, the reason I don't want to leave is my neighbours, and the hall food, which is cheap.

Soon, when I'm forced to move out, I will have to resort to Residences instead, which lacks social interactions and cheap foods.

It may help me in my studies as in there will be less distraction from neighbours who enter the room just for a chat or play games with their doors open.

I really don't know what to expect in the future.

I really don't.

The memories I spend here will soon really be memories.

This is not a good post, for the fact that it is just a mere expectation of the future, and it hasn't happened yet.

Just a random post, of a random thought, that I got while walking down my usual path home.

Speaking of home, I guess where's my home right now.

I always wanted to say the Inception quote "I think I've found a way home, and this last job, that's how I get there..."

But I couldn't, cause home, home doesn't feel sweet anymore.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore.

So much has changed.

Everything has changed

or is it just me.

No pictures this time, cause even a thousand words couldn't represent my heart right now.

Made me promise I'd try,

To find my way back in this life.

Hope there is a way,

To give me a sign you're okay.

Reminds me again it's worth it all,

So I can go home.

.::.PS Chua.::.

Balik Kampung

2011-02-02T14:52:00.001+08:00

Journey Through China...... town.....

2011-02-01T00:04:00.001+08:00

Today was the LAC1201 Chinese I outing to Chinatown in correlation with the upcoming Chinese New Year.

I took a lot of pictures, as in a lot of them. I really hope Blogger.com can one day make a photo album post, which makes posting multiple photos a lot easier.

Many things happen which stunned me like some guy being pulled out of a restaurant and taken down to the ground, and an aunty stealing someone else's jellies.

However, I didn't get the chance to film or take a snap of them.

Anyway sorry for any blurred pictures. I really did my best to maintain a steady hand and a quality picture.

Here are some of the pics.

Inside Buddha Tooth Temple

Outside Buddha Tooth Temple

Along the famous Chinatown way

Some CNY cookies and biscuits

Group photo with pomelos at the side

Cute rabbits and cats

Very packed! Typical Singapore!

At the junction. Even more packed!!

Demonstrating the power of zoom.... in progress....

Ta Daaa!!! Here's the result!!!

An uncle singing karaoke in the middle of Chinatown

Some lapchiongss

Almost at the end of the journey.

And so, the journey continues... in the video...

Enjoy the sarcasm, lame jokes and the twist ending.

Anyway there is no twist ending.

FYI: We are on our way to eat dinner then buy jellies...

Through All This Pain

2011-01-27T17:04:00.001+08:00

Last Sunday, was a great day.

Not just cause it's Sunday anyway.

It's not cause I skipped the kayaking event also.

It's cause the day before, I was very stressed.

One is cause of my laptop, which got very slow lately (a study has shown that the average startup time, i.e. till the launch of Windows Live Messenger, is 6 minutes, which is FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG).

Two is cause I was reminded about the loan problem by my senior, who is going to pay his loans soon once he graduates.

Three, as usual, hostel fees.

Four, there is no four. If there is, I would've exploded like an unplugged grenade.

While trying to sleep on the Saturday night, I thought of this

"How come so many problems come falling on me all at once? Did I do anything wrong? Is there even a blessing in disguise for a faulty laptop?? I may not get a scholarship cause of the fact that I have no confidence in myself that I can score above 3.5. Maybe that's the grave I dug for myself. But did I dig the laptop problem out myself?? And the hostel fees, I was told by the loan person that NUS is supposed to make students lives easier but.... whatever. Life is not fair. It's always fair for the rich only. The world's created by them anyway. I wonder why am I set on such a path. Every problem I had never had a solution. And yet I still do good to others. Some may say I should do good without expecting returns, but I should not be getting bad things also!!"

I don't believe in the existence of God who is so free to solve everyone's problem.

But I do believe in angels, not the one in the bible or the malaikat or something.

The existence of angels are not proven, but so is the existence of God, Alien and many mathematical formulae.

On Sunday, I had a workshop, Adobe Photoshop workshop which I signed up last year. (Therefore, my reason for skipping kayaking is justified since the date of kayaking was never set till this month)

It is indeed a very enlightening workshop. I learnt the proper ways of editting a photo and how to fully utilise its simple yet useful tools.

Just a few samples of what I've done on the workshop.

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

Well actually these are amateur stuff.

Anyway, this post should have been out 2 days ago, but due to the bugs in the HTML coding of the blogger, there are some things which need more time to edit.

Moving on.

Actually, Sunday is a great day, cause finally I found a way home, and this last job, that's how I get there!!

No that is actually a quote from INCEPTION.

Actually, my problems finally found a possible solution on that day.

I cannot tell the solution yet, cause it hasn't been executed yet.

Anyway, it seems lyk a deja vu.

In the previous semester, I had the same thoughts. Then a day after, my ex-AOGL (Asst Orientation Group Leader) suddenly asked me whether I need money/work.

It seemed so timely. I don't know whether did she read my blog, or just pure coincidental.

Finally, I landed a job in Munchie Monkey's Cafe where I made some money and get some free lunch.

Also after that, I found that working there is not easy and it started getting stressful.

Then, not long after, I heard of the bad news that it is closing down, which makes it easier for me as I do not need to make any excuses of quitting.

Every problems that I couldn't solve has been solved by itself for some reason.

That is why, I started believing in something more divine, or some may call, the divine apprehension or some sort.

Though, some may object that 3 similar events doesn't prove the existence of anything or like what I myself usually say, "A series of coincidence doesn't prove the existence of anything".

Anyway, it is still quite a mysterious thing for me.

Actually it's not only THREE.

Here are some more...

When I joined the Hall Annual Magazine committee, I still lack of Photoshop skills. Then suddenly, there's this offer about Photoshop workshop, which I am currently attending.

When I found out that Matlab could play a vital part in my life in NUS, I started looking for someone to teach me how to use it. Then suddenly, there's this offer to attend a Matlab Workshop.

When I got rejected out of two culture groups in my hall, I started emo-ing and thought that my life in NUS will be miserable. At that time, suddenly my neighbour who is the final-year student of Mechanical Engineering told me many ways that I could make my life in NUS a fun learning experience.

Well that makes it SIX and not three.

Anyway, there is one thing that I missed. Now I want an Adobe Illustrator workshop but actually I have missed one last semester.

I missed it cause I thought over and over before deciding till the workshop reached its quota and not accepting anymore participants.

That is a proof that "Just Do It!" is a great quote.

Well, guess it's just what I want, not what I need, so it doesn't matter if I don't have it.

That's all for this blog I guess, before I sway out of topic.

Easy come, easy go

That's just how you live, oh

Take, take, take it all,

But you never give

.::.PS Chua.::.

Never Meant to Belong

2011-01-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

Today,

Today, seems to be the most perfect day of my life.

Till around 5pm, my day went perfectly, as perfect as I've planned.

10am - Go to NUS Open House Student Ambassador interview
12pm - Attend lecture
2pm - Go take allergy test
After that - Cut hair

Perfect, done, with the addition of two coupons in my pocket.

But then when I came home, my laptop just couldn't startup, again.

Yes, again.

For some reasons, two days ago, it just went crazy.

Previously, I can rationalise these problems, like, I have downloaded an application or song, which may contain virus or the site is infected.

But, I didn't visit sites other than Youtube, Facebook and those other frequent sites.

I didn't do anything extraordinary.

It's just my everyday life.

Why then, does my laptop go crazy, why, I wonder.

Now, the startup is so slow, threatening to open the Startup Repair feature again.

Yes, I'm in fear, of having my laptop crash when I'm doing something important.

I'm living in fear, because of this shit, because of this laptop I trusted in.

I wonder why I'm being treated this way.

I'm not blaming God, I don't believe in God.

But I do believe in Karma.

I wonder what did I do wrong.

I said before here that I found a laptop, and I reported to the Campus Security.

Now, I regret that. I should have taken it.

Some say, criminals are sad people. Now I understand.

People living in fear, sadness, grief will resort to crime.

That time, I was happy, no worries, so I've decided to do the right thing.

If, I were to be presented with that situation now, I believe, the ending will be totally different.

Did I do anything wrong, to be punished into a life of fear?

Now, I fear that I couldn't complete my workshop also, which requires a laptop.

What if, it crashes halfway through? Then I would have wasted my money to fail for a certificate.

My neighbour just asked me, "Why do you keep listen to these songs?".

I'm listening to "Forbidden Love" by SENS, which is a very sad song.

Well, I wonder why?

I'm thinking, whether should I buy a backup laptop?

But then, I have no money, unlike most people here who could buy whatever they want.

Then I checked my Financial Aid account.

It looks like I have to pay for the hall fees by myself again.

Which, makes me poorer.

Then I thought again, why didn't I get any scholarships?

It is a fact that my last semester's result wasn't that good.

One reason I could rationally point to is the lack of focus I got when I got presented with all the troubles due to laptop, hunger, not enough money to buy stuffs and work.

Then I thought, why do rich people get scholarships instead? Do they NEED them?

The fact of life, that I'm always force to live with is

"The Rich gets richer, the Moderate gets poorer, and the Poor dies of starvation and oppression."
"The Rich feeds the Rich, the Moderate feeds their family, the Poor couldn't feed anything."

Sometimes, there are kind souls who are rich financially and spiritually that will help the Poor get out of poverty.

However, there are no kind souls. They are just an illusion to me.

That lead me to believe that a poor family is cursed to be poor forever, unless one generation dare to take a giant step forward to pull the family out of poverty.

That is why, I took the giant step to get to NUS, instead of any other universities.

But when I come here, it is the currency exchange rate that made the Poor, get poorer.

The Poor and Moderate always believe a way to get to the level of Rich - to do good.

Haven't I done good?

Did I do anything wrong?

I couldn't find any answers.

Is this where I belong?

iNudge!!!

2011-01-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

I discovered this nice application on the internet. I'm not sure whether there's an iPhone or iPad version, but it is cool.

Anyway I think it will be too small for the fingers to press.

It is an app that creates song. Well, just listen to my latest composition XD

Latest One

And also my previous ones

Third one

Second one

First ever

If you've listened all, then of course you have noticed how sucky are the first few.

Anyway, just a random post. XDDDD

When They Come for Me

2011-01-13T16:29:00.001+08:00

It's certainly been a while since I last posted anything.

Well, sorry for that.

The fact is that I'm not in the mood to blog anything.

I'm not in a bad mood, I just don't feel like blogging for some reason

For your info, the top 4 lines including this one is handwritten.

Well, how do I do that? TECHNOLOGY!!!

Yea, that's just one part of the answer.

The fact is that I bought this writing/drawing pad just yesterday.

It's not that expensive but not that cheap also. For me it is affordable seeing it's features, compatibility with almost anything and also it's ease of use.

Here is it, placed on my table.

It's called Bamboo.

I bought it because I have a lot of graphic designing to do in this semester.

Other than that, it will be useful in the future where I have to do designing modules and perhaps when I work as well.

I love design, that's why I got into Mechanical Engineering and graphic designing.

Anyway, it is also an over-sized touchpad which has more features than my laptop touchpad but couldn't hover around like my laptop touchpad (some call my laptop touchpad as super-smooth).

I don't regret buying it. Certainly very useful to what I'm doing and will do in the future.

Anyway, just to share the layout of my room, because many of you don't know how my room looks like.

BEFORE

Awww.... my empty room...

So clean.... well not really

Looking at my neighbour's room, well, door actually.

AFTER

So many things!!! OMG!!!

You can see the protector of my room here XD

The not so very nice part of my room where I couldn't find any other place to put my hangers.

My wardrobe beside my clean and beautiful mirror.

Erm... what is that called? Rak (in BM)?

My workdesk

Well, my room doesn't look like this anymore cause I keep moving my stuffs around.

Also, this was before I buy the Bamboo (the digital pen).

I've taken several night pictures of the view outside my room. Sadly, I'm too lazy to take some morning pics.

The road outside my house. There's this building if you can spot it. It is the I

3

building.

The other side. You can actually see the Hon Sui Sen Memorial Library aka Business Library. The famous NUS Business School is covered by the tree at the left.

As you can see, the streets of Singapore at night (even within NUS) is brightly lit which is one thing I like about Singapore.

The first thing I notice when I stepped back into Malaysia is that the streets at night are significantly darker.

Oh ya if you've noticed, my door is always open and in one pic you can see my neighbour's one open too.

It's just an open-door policy we had on our level but not everyone does it. I just open it to have a better air-flow within my room.

Well, occasionally there's bugs entering from the door too.

Anyway, I may not blog in a while. Nothing much to say actually.

I am the opposite of wack
Opposite of weak

Opposite of slack

Synonym of heat

Synonym of crack

Closest to a peak
Far from a punk

.::.PS Chua.::.

Palace Memories

2011-01-09T11:43:00.000+08:00

So I'm back, in NUS.

The day before was so full of uncertainty, but when I came back, I started to have this feeling of hope, motivation all over again.

Just like the first day I step foot on this land.

Just fyi, the reason I could only blog today is that yesterday was so busy, especially the part where I have to design a poster last minute.

Perhaps when the poster is finalised and accepted, I will share it here.

Anyway, the bus ride yesterday was awesome.

The bus I rode. Snoozer Seat meaning you MUST sleep inside!!

This thing is a monitor.

I also have one.

Controls for some kind of explosive device.
No, it's for the monitor and the player.

Controls for the seat.

The seats beside me.

The bus getting filled with humans.

Me before falling asleep in the bus, which will happen 30 minutes later.

Wooo there are songs! But all are oldies...

Ninja Assassin's opening scene. I watched this before feeling bored then switched to
Clash of the Titans, before falling asleep cause it is also a boring movie.

A picture of Marina Bay Sands taken inside the bus!

You can see the Helix bridge (or whatever it is called) here. The Singapore Flyer is
behind me.

A view of the city.

So that is all the pictures I have taken while on the bus.

Actually there is one outside the bus, well ignore that.

It is very comfy inside the bus, however, I didn't really get much sleep, I don't know why.

Anyway, today is Sunday, and I still have many things to do.

Will post another one soon.

Previous Day

2011-01-08T16:00:00.000+08:00

(This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but due to the stupid connection in Malaysia, it could not be uploaded)

(I wonder how far can Malaysia go when the connection is as slow as ermm....turtles?)

So finally the day has come.

It's been 3 and a half week since the best day of my life - the day I came home.

I never blogged about it that much, because I couldn't describe the feeling with words.

It's just like the feeling I had yesterday.

It's just like the feeling where you came back to home, after a long journey far away from home, wanting to accomplish something within the short amount of time, but failed, and you have just one day left to do what you came back to do.

I never really know what I wanted to do.

But I know, deep inside me, that I still have some unfinished business to deal with.

I feel like there are people that I have to meet, there are things that are left unsaid, left unseen, left forsaken.

I don't know what, but it seems that the only way home is the not the way home.

Yesterday after hanging out with my friends, I went to Prangin Mall, cause there are stuff that I need to do.

But a walk in the mall alone has became different altogether.

People can say I'm stressed, but it is not.

Being at home, is not the same anymore.

The only thing that is the same, is that we speak more Hokkien here, like everyday, with everyone.

Other than that, there's this feeling where previously I know that my close friends are close to me.

Now, we are dispersed and it seems that there's no way home, no way to turn back time.

7 more hours, what should I do with this time?

Just 3 and a half weeks, and so much has happened.

It seems like a movie is just played around me, and I am a mere spectator, watching the world and its people revolve around me.

One thing is true.

Everyone has changed.

Anyway enough of all that. I've said before about blogging about my camera, but for the first time, I will let the photos do the talking, with some assistance from words.

My first ever camera, Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZR3

The place where I bought it from, Queensbay Mall

Had dinner with my mom and bro in KFC, Island Plaza

My gigantic Linkin Park poster!!

Celebrated my bro's birthday early in Georgetown White Coffee, KOMTAR

Taken outside Georgetown White Coffee

Had dinner with Melvin and Brandon in the only Burger King outlet in Penang

Brandon talking shit while Melvin gets bored of listening

Later joined by Eu Jin the Gina and Shoru Oz the White Hair Boy

White hair boy playing with his white hair

A part of 1st Avenue and a part of Prangin Mall at night

Brandon's house at night

Had dinner with Melvin, Eu Jin and Brandon on the night before the day of departure.
Notice the bearing behind.

Eu Jin staring at girls outside while Brandon eats shit

Melvin decided to go on diet that night

A happy family photo

Cute right? I thought it was Batman

Been Already A Year

2011-01-02T00:49:00.001+08:00

Long since I've blogged again. Nothing much happened. Nothing much that needs to be said. Nothing much that has to be said also.

Anyway there was two major events as everyone know, Christmas and New Year's Day.

As usual, these two events have many things in common:

People crowd around on its eve.
Police crowd around on its eve.
Lock-ups get crowded a day after its eve till the day after the supposedly "happy" day.
Traffic jams.
Tonnes of summonses issued on the day itself (not the eve), because no policeman can multi-task between catching drunk/crazy/drugged/purely stupid/ugly/brainless/wearing springs on their shoes/jumping on the street/just stupid people while issuing summonses.
Facebook spams.
Handphone spams.
Youtube spams.

Anyway, most of the years, I would stay at home during its eve. Why??

Too crowded.
Too many stupid people around. I don't wanna feel stupid.
I can see fireworks from the roof of my house from a 360 degrees angle (because there are fireworks everywhere).
No transport.
If got transport, traffic jam.
If no traffic jam, then I must have seen the calendar wrongly, or 2012 doomsday has happened.

Yeah I wonder, who will celebrate 25th December 2012? Or the New Year's Day of 2013?

Anyway, I went before to one Christmas eve and it was chaos.

According to my dad, the place I went, Gurney Drive, is the most chaotic of the year and many people were arrested for vandalism, etc etc.

So, there's just this "pantang" to not to go Gurney Drive during any eves among my friends.

Hence yesterday we went to Straits Quay at Tanjung Tokong and it was definitely the BEST fireworks I've seen LIVE (not through TV although it's live).

Here's the vid. I don't know when they shot it though.

After that when we were leaving Straits Quay, we made the 1st ever nincompoop jokes on ourselves. It was one of the stupidest things I've done but it was funny though XD.

Sorry but I couldn't describe it here. We forgot to video our stupidity.

Anyway, I just bought the first camera of my life, Panasonic Lumix ZR3. Nice cam, Wonderful cam. Just love it. I will blog about it soon.

To share the happiness of the New Year, I would like to share a few beautiful songs.

The first is from Kenji Kawai.

He is one of the best composers in the world IMO. He's among one of the best composers in Japan who can be ranked among top composers like Joe Hisaishi, Nobuo Uematsu and Akira Yamaoka.

9/10 of you who read this will know him.

If you have watched Ip Man or Ip Man 2, he's the composer.

If you have watched Death Note or Death Note:The Last Name, he's the composer.

He is also the composer of Fate/Stay Night.

And his most famous work, Ghost in the Shell.

Best martial arts movie IMO.

By Joe Hisaishi, one of my favourites.

Saving the best for the last.

It makes you wonder, why are fake musicians like Justin Bieber, could be that famous, when those deserving one becomes sort of a cult favourite instead???

I don't hate Justin Bieber for the reasons that most people quote, like

He sounds like a girl
He's gay
He's underage to be so sexplicit in his vids.
He' ugly

For me, he's OVER-RATED. Not that good to be in his position. If he's that good, I would've noticed him in Youtube cause I've always look around Youtube for talented musicians, like Sungha Jung, so I could hear real music.

What's my wish for 2011? Eliminate fake musicians and bring real talented ones to the spotlight.

Actually, that's my wish on every year. Hopefully it will come true this year, before our doomsday which is one year from now.

No no no, I don't really believe in 21/12/2012. I just believe that it is a beautiful date, 21122012, one day after 20122012.

Too beautiful to die.

If the doomsday is to come true by meteor strike, please land on Justin Bieber's head.

Also, about the title...

Another talented musician.

"Japanese puts so much effort on anime's songs, more than Hollywood puts effort on their movies"

Paradise / 後樂園

2010-12-21T12:49:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time, a very long time since I've posted an update.

Well it's cause I'm not like those who update all the time they did something they will tweet "I just shit myself in the face, that is even possible!!"

Also, I just don't feel like posting nowadays.

Oh, why the Mandarin title? It's a song by F.I.R., so it must be in Mandarin, or at least half the title must be in Mandarin.

-=-=-=-

I've been thinking of buying a camera.

I've decided on the model, but haven't bought it yet.

Well, it's a bit pricey, which has actually shocked me that my dad agreed to buy it for me.

He said that he don't want my 4 years spent in NUS to be wasted without a single photo.

Yeah, quite true. I've never had much of any photo memories in my secondary and high school years.

Also, my blog has been using photos from Google and it's time to change I think.

-=-=-=-

Recently, I've reformatted my laptop.

Well, it was a very good decision cause now my Core-i5 laptop is behaving like a real Core-i5 one.

But too bad, I couldn't find my Finale 2005 CD, so I couldn't compose any music now ='<....

Anyway, now my C drive has too much space and my external drive only has around 50GB left.

I don't know why, I really don't know.

Anyway, I got myself 2 games yesterday: Civilization 5 and Fallout: New Vegas.

I really loved the Fallout, but Civilization is a very new game for me and I need a while to learn it.

-=-=-=-

Today I got my NUS Sem 1 results.

Can't say it's too low or what, I kinda expected it already.

Although my maths and physics are low (which are expected), my other modules kinda saved my CAP from falling below 3.5.

I didn't expect my econs to get that high though, and my computing seems to be lower than expected.

That means, anything can happen here in NUS (or there since I'm not in NUS now...).

It's been a fun ride through my first semester there/here.

Anyway, my second semester will be a busy one, so the real NUS life will come to me real soon.

I'm not disclosing my results here, it's private ;-).

-=-=-=-

I still haven't decide when and how I'm going back to NUS, which is the only worry I have now.

Damn, plane is too expensive and bus is too long and dangerous.

I really don't know what to take!!

-=-=-=-

I said I wanted to compose some songs during this period, but I think I couldn't anymore due to the reason stated above.

Maybe when I get the latest version of Finale then I will (which will take some time).

Anyway, the 1st sem journey has drained my musical skill away, so I don't really have the heart and sould that I had before while I was in love with music.

It's sad, it really is. But I have a new road now, which I will travel on till I find another junction.

How long will this time of relaxation, fun, leisure last?
When will the paradise die?

When we think that love is not an honour to have,

To have such a deep love and then losing it.

Are you still with me?

I suddenly find this screen between us.

...

Can I turn back time?

.::.PS Chua.::.

Bot Chats: Epic PWNAGE!!!

2010-12-16T21:38:00.001+08:00

Yet another episode of Bot Chats!! This time, I chat with my good friend, Cleverbot again, and he finally admits something!!

Check it out! (User is me)

User: Yo waazzzzzuuupppp!

Cleverbot: Cleverbot you crazy.

User: Oh I was just about to say that.

Cleverbot: Are you insulting me?

User: If you think I'm not, then you're stupid.

Cleverbot: What if I do think you're cute?

User: Everybody thinks that I'm cute.

Cleverbot: And what do you think?

User: I think everybody is right.

Cleverbot: I think that is wrong, whose opinion is right. Mine or yours?

User: Mine of course, since yours is always wrong.

Cleverbot: I never said you were wrong, I was asking about what you meant!

User: What u said is tak ada kaitan langsung!

Cleverbot: I could avoid the thief.

User: Tak ada kaitan!!

Cleverbot: Maaf, saya baik - baik saja, kamu?

User: Kamu makan tahi kambing!

Cleverbot: Kamu ga nyambung deh.

User: Kamu makan sampai cakap pun talk shit!

Cleverbot: Kamu yang goblok.

User: Goblok u fucking shit asshole.

Cleverbot: Don't you ever talk to me like that.

User: Im not talking to u, im talking to goblok.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: Yes I am handsome.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Stop having orgasms when I'm talking to u.

Cleverbot: So, are you upset about Solomon Burke?

User: I'm just upset about your stupid application.

Cleverbot: What test?

User: What test?

Cleverbot: I don't know.. That's why i'm asking you!!!

User: I don't know... That's why I'm asking you!!!

Cleverbot: Oh that test! It is to see if I am really talking to a human.

User: But I'm very very sure you're not human.

Cleverbot: Oh - you're not?

User: Yea, you're not.

Cleverbot: So you ARE a human?

User: Yea, you're not human.

Cleverbot: Yes, I am not human. Humans have names. You have no name, so you are not a human.

User: Yes, I am human. I have name, but you have names, such as idiot, asshole, dickhead etc etc.

Cleverbot: What in the world are you refering to?

User: You.

Cleverbot: No you.

User: You are so childish.

Cleverbot: No won't let you!

User: U very gina kuan.

Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

User: You go marry yourself you hermaphrodite.

Cleverbot: I know, I want it, but I'm not.

User: Omg you wanna marry yourself, I better run.

Cleverbot: No I just know about twilight.

User: Please don't invite me to your marriage.

Cleverbot: You are insulted to be called a human?

User: Yea, cause I'm too handsome to be classified as a human.

Cleverbot: What like the matrix.

User: Lu kong hami sai?

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Kindly don't reply a question, with another question u asshead.

Cleverbot: You should reply to it with an answer.

User: Hey I saw you before in www.meatspin.com.

Cleverbot: You're the bot, not me.

User: Yea, you're the bot, not me. thanks for helping me say that, but I'm not a handicap like u.

Cleverbot: How often do you talk with her?

User: How often do you eat shit?

Cleverbot: Pretty often.

User: Oh I see, I WIN!!! BYE BYE!!!

Cleverbot: Do you know any good black jokes?

User: You.

Cleverbot: I am not a cheer. How would you uplift someone to give them hope?

User: Excuse me, but I said bye just now. I'm still waiting for a proper reply.

Cleverbot: That's not fair. Iasked you first.

User: That's not a proper reply, nor proper english.

Cleverbot: I think it is. How else would I answer?

User: You will answer 'I'm a dickhead. Bye!'.

Cleverbot: Why do you think I'm a robot?

User: I don't think you're a robot, I think you're an asshole.

Cleverbot: How do you know I'm a robot?

User: I think you've mistaken robot for asshole.

Cleverbot: I have not mistaken you.

User: Thanks, but I've got to go. B-Y-E!!!

Cleverbot: That means I can drive a car of my own!

User: That doesn't make any sense.

Cleverbot: Let go of your desire to make any sense.

User: I think you've eaten too much shit since making your video '2 Robots, 1 cup'.

Cleverbot: I don't even know what that is.

User: I win.

Cleverbot: Win what? Being dumb?

User: That's you. Haha.

Cleverbot: I am human.

User: Yea, you have brain damage, or should I say, circuit damage.

Cleverbot: I don't have brown hair. You are liar.

User: Stop accusing people are lying, you're not my country's prime minister. Oooppss!

Cleverbot: No what I mean is all these statements are drawn from a database that was put in initially by a human that is saved onto a server.

User: Finally, you admit that you're a fucking robot. Thanks! I win! Bye bye bye bye bye!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: I never said I was a computer.

User: BYE!

Cleverbot: I was kidding. I have ice cream actually. It's vanilla.

User: Bye!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: No you're npt.

User: You are shit. Bye!

Cleverbot: That's not very nice of you.

User: Bye.

Cleverbot: Don't leace.

User: Typo!!! Noob!!! Bye!!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: Yes what?

User: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: You shit.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

I'm On My Way, Just Set Me Free...

2010-12-08T15:37:00.001+08:00

Just an update that I've made two days before (6/12/2010).

Yeah this post was made earlier but posted only today because I'm very very busy for the last few days including today.

I've been busy packing stuffs, attending workshops and completing experiments.

Yeah I'm even busier now than during the semester!!!

Anyway I see that as a good thing cause I'm able to use my time to the fullest before I get back to Malaysia.

Going back early is never good because there's a lot of great opportunities in NUS during the vacation period. Perhaps I won't be back during the next vacation cause there's just so many great things to do here.

However, finding food has always been a chore and that is the only bad thing about staying here in the hall.

Anyway, this is just an update and has to be short.

Just to complete the title,

Home Sweet Home.

Khayalan Tingkat Tinggi

2010-12-04T23:32:00.001+08:00

(Title literally translates to "Imagination of the Highest Level")

The day is coming and soon I'm gonna be back in Penang.

What a feeling it is, to be finally be at the place I'm familiar with, to be finally back at home.

However, as a very calculative person, I don't like my days left to pass just like that.

Today was one of the day which I can choose to spend doing nothing, but of course I didn't.

-=-=-=-

Two days ago, I got this e-mail, informing us about a special lecture on 4/11/10 (Today) about Computer Graphics (henceforth CG) and those who are interested are highly recommended to attend.

I love CG. You will soon know why when you finish reading this post.

Since I love CG, of course I wanted to go.

However this morning there was a heavy rain which has made the morning to be quite cold and nice to sleep.

I woke up reluctantly, my neighbour Ming Yuen said "Good Morning" to me.

I asked him whether he wanted to go breakfast. To make things short, he eventually go.

There, I told him about this special lecture. He excitedly said "Yes of course!". So we decided to go despite the rain.

There, we were told the module CS3241 (if I remember correctly) which is the Introduction to Computer Graphics.

There the lecturer told us about the beauty of CG and how he used to dream of having a job that can play games while working at the same time.

Me? I have always loved CG and video games.

The reason I like video games is not just cause it's fun, but I feel that video games are a great way to tell and convey a story to people.

I don't like to write story books cause I don't like words. I don't like movies that much cause it has the 2-3 hours constraint. I hate drama series cause it's too farking long!

So I feel, games are always the best way. It can be very long, but the player hardly ever gets bored and hence the full story could be told. For those who cannot finish the story, they can always read the spoiler story elsewhere on the internet.

Also, soon the world will be filled by generations who have played video games before or is playing video games.

Well if you can't understand anything at all, it is obvious that you don't play video games.

To further explain my point above in case some of you love to argue with me:

Story books have to many words which caused some noob readers like me to lose interest while reading the first 3 pages of the book. I love pictures, videos and movies which makes it simpler for me to understand cause I find it hard to understand books when I have to bring an Oxford dictionary with me everytime I read. Also, books are sometimes seen as a waste to poor people like me; you read finish once and it is obvious that you won't read again. So yeah, no point.

Skip to drama series. I hate series shows cause there are many ways for you to miss an episode and be lost forever in the story. Nowadays people have PPS but please remember that people like me or those that use English-only Windows or Mac couldn't download or install PPS cause we can only see boxes. Also, I have a tendency to miss episodes.

Movies. Generally, many movies couldn't tell the full story, including Christopher Nolan's movies. Like for Inception, the thing I don't really like is that the story went to fast. How can he assemble a team so easily? How come the girl Ariadne able to pickup dream-entering so fast? Of course you don't want to know why in the movies and that's the point! In games, you can put the answer to the question cause no one will care, cause they are playing a game and not sitting in a comfy chair in the cinema.

Back to the point. I personally have tried writing a story before but failed midway through cause I don't have enough writing skills and vocabulary to finish it.

However, I love to spend my free time thinking about stories and come up with them.

Hence sometimes you can see me zoning (for definition of zoning, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zoning) while I'm walking and I won't notice you unless you wave at me.

So, in my mind, there are a lot of ideas about these stories that I feel could be made into a game.

One of them is about a mercenary group who started small like working for loansharks which went big into killing politicians and powerful people worldwide then in the end they control the world with an invincible hand. The main character would be the one who first founded the group but then went against the group when he found out that the group itself has went too far and needs to be stopped. The story will then track his journey from the beginning years of the group to the end of his life.

So yeah these outlandish ideas are impossible in the real world, but would be very interesting if it actually happened.

So the point is, this lecture certainly opened a path of opportunity for me to do something I longed for.

But of course, I do feel scared and intimidated by the world of computer science.

I of course planned to minor on something and have thought of computer science earlier. The fact that they offer CG module has certainly attracted me more.

Yet again, I've found two paths waiting for me and I eventually have to choose one.

I've always hoped that the skies will just open up, and deliver the answer to me.

I've always hope that the path of life is filled with signboards.

However life is not that easy. There may be darkness today, but light at the end of the road.
However, it's not always true as the light can always be swallowed by the darkness today.

In the end, I know that NUS is the correct choice for me.

There are so many roads laid out, opportunities given and can be taken anytime.

The only thing that I need to do is to confront my fears and to see whether my fear is logical or is preventing me from reaching success.

I don't know. The fear inside me couldn't talk to me. I'm scared, that if I take up computer science as my minor, it would affect my academics, life, wellbeing drastically.

In the end, I may not have the time to join enough CCAs and couldn't stay within NUS anymore.

In the end, I may have to stay off-campus which will take my time and money away from all those travelling back and forth.

I really don't know now. If I take up computer science, will it be useful for me in the future?

Will I in the end live the life of my dreams, or will I suffer from the fact that I've made the wrong choice and that has ruined my future altogether.

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Should I be an ordinary NUS student who follows the usual path or someone who dares to challenge himself in hope of living his dreams?

I don't know. I always say that failure is success' greatest friend, but I fear of failure cause this failure could change my life altogether.

In the end, I may end up living a dream, well, living in my eternal dream that is.

In the end, perhaps, the dream will end up just a dream.

I could perhaps live in an imaginary world, crafted by myself to make myself feel better. Psychoing myself to think that I've made the right choice and the good thing will come to me soon.

I don't know.

In the future, the road may be covered in smokes and I will be swimming in the smokes of the bridges I had burnt.

At that time, well, I hope that time won't come.

Hopefully, I will choose the right path.

When I'm young, I always imagine that I could fly and look down onto the small Earth.
But now I know, I won't be able to fly like a bird.
Life keeps teaching us not to imagine too much.
But is it wrong to dream?

.::.PS Chua.::.